In-Laws…Update

So, My in-laws are here….It’s been an interesting visit. I am already missing my freedom, my time alone, my routine. I want my house back, my life the way it was. I miss all that something terrible. I hate having people in my face 24/7. My father in-law can be really annoying. He wants to know every detail about everything. I wanted to go out walking with the kids the other day because it was sunny and it had been raining for like a week straight before that. I had already went shopping that day so I was out of the house then and they were alone. Anyways, I had to return some movies before I got charged for late fees. He asked how long the walk would take and I told him. Then he’s like, why don’t you leave the kids. I said no, it’s good to get fresh air. Then he’s like well why don’t you get Tanvir to drop off the movies and I said I want to go walking because it’s nice out, that’s the point. I said I hate staying inside, especially during the summer when it’s nice. Then he wanted to know how long I would be gone. When I said over an hour he’s like well it only takes 40 mins to walk there and back and I was like, ya but I might take the kids out to play too. He seemed annoyed and I was getting short-tempered. He expects me to stay inside to chit chat with him all day long and that’s just not me. I am not wasting my summer inside when the sun is shining outside. I am so sick of being questioned for everything and being ordered around. He says, "Kris (short for Kristen, my name), can you go get me some coffee, Kris can you heat this hot packs up for me, KRIS KRIS KRIS>>…I just want to scream, do it yourself, I am busy and I am not your servant. They have servants back home in Bangladesh and I don’t think he realizes how rude he can sound sometimes ordering people around especially when I have other things to do.  Another annoying thing is their eating. They eat lunch at 2:30 (big plates of rice with meat and veggies and other stuff, all cooked with oil) then they eat dinner at around 10:30pm to 11:30pm at night then go to bed after that. It’s so gross. Eating that late. I don’t eat with them. I eat my own meals with the kids and that’s it. Thank God for the difference in our eating times. They eat so much and it’s costing us a fortune. His mom is diabetic so she has to have all her special foods. His dad has glaucoma and can’t see very well. ARGH…

I just want my life back. They have prayer time 5 times a day (they are Muslim) and my bathroom is constantly wet, the counters, toilet and floor because they have to wash themselves before prayer. It’s all just getting so irritating. I really don’t know how I will last until Aug 7th when they leave. Thank God my husband is being so nice and he takes his parents out everynight after I put the kids to bed. That way I get some free time. I don’t know what I would do if he didn’t do that for me.

As for my weight, it is up. I feel so fat and disgusting but I am still restricting and actually not binging as much because I hate to eat in front of people cuz it makes me uncomfortable. So that’s a good thing. I am eating small meals 3 times a day. 100 cals for breakfast, 200 cals for lunch and usually the most at dinner time. Sometimes I snack a litte and that’s why I am not losing weight. I hate it. I gotta restrict better and get my weight back down because I don’t know how I will handle it if my clothes start to get tight. That’s disgusting. I am seeing my counsellor twice a week and have a bone density scan arranged for June 6th I think. My weight is still categorized as underweight but I don’t feel it or look it. I feel disgusting. I hate this.

So many thoughts in my head, but I can’t organize them or even begin to think as to what to write in here. I will try to update more frequently. It would help to hear from all of you and get ur support so I don’t feel so alone. I like having you all on here. Anyways, I will get back to reading while I have the chance. I miss my life. I feel this constant anxious feeling where it feels like I need to run and not stop. Like my body is running away from me and I am just sitting there and can’t run with it. I don’t know how to describe it, but it’s the feeling I wake up with every morning. It’s horrible.

Oh and Tanvir’s mom was crying today to me and telling me that she doesn’t want to be away from Tanvir (he’s her oldest son) and that when she goes her heart is broken, her head is a mess. She was speaking all this in broken english as she doesn’t really speak english (only a little). I was kinda getting scared that she would want to move in with us. That I COULD NOT HANDLE NOR DO. I JUST COULDN"T> That’s asking too much. NO WAY>>>.I think I would have to get a divorce if it came to that. I am not that kind of person who can live with a bunch of people. I feel mean and bad and cruel thinking that, while she is all heartbroken but seriously I couldn’t handle that at all….

Anyways, hope you all are well…MISS YOU ALLL ON HERE>>>>>