Getting into a routine

So, as most of you know, my in-laws are here…They are here until August 7th. I am finally getting into a routine with them here which feels good as I am a person who likes routine and structure. Although, I feel I have been moving non-stop with taking care of the kids, cleaning, etc. My mother in law washes their clothes in my bathtub so everyday it seems there is a ring around the tub. I can’t stand looking at it so I am constantly cleaning the tub. It’s so annoying. They hand wash everything in Bangladesh, or their servants do, but I wish they would just use the washer and save me the extra cleaning.

I am back to restricting my food a bit. It’s actually way easier than I thought it would be. I don’t eat my meals with them because they eat a different times than me and I eat whatever I want. At lunch I get away with having low cal soup. One time Tanvir’s dad said is that all you’re eating, why don’t you have some bread and butter and I said no butter is fattening. He didn’t say anything after that. It’s so easy to restrict. Most of the time they are not even in the room when I am eating or I am out and say I ate when I was out. HA HA…Ya right. I am losing weight again finally, but a lot more slowly than before. That is because I still do eat my three meals even if they are small. I can’t seem to restrict like before. I just get so weak and tired.  The heat probably doesn’t help. But I guess that’s a good thing as I am trying to get better not worse. The good thing about my in-laws being here is it is helping me control my binges because I hate eating around people and always fear people think I am eating too much and losing control.

My hubby takes his parents out everynight after the kids go to bed. This is what gets me through the day. Just thinking that I will have free time alone at night to read or do whatever. This is how I cope. I am so thankful that he is doing that. Although I am not sure he will be able to keep it up the whole time they are here as we live in a smaller city and surely he will run out of things to do. His mom actually told me she feels bad going out at night and leaving me alone after I have been busy all day long. She is like you finally have free time and we are leaving. She said she is always telling Tanvir to go home early, thank goodness he doesn’t. I enjoy my free time. But at least she’s thinking of me….

Another good thing. My neighbour downstairs, Debbie, whom I have gotten close to since my in-laws have been here has asked me to do cleaning for her and she will pay me $15/hr. So I will do my first cleaning tomorrow and she said it should take 2 hours. She also wants me to do her moms house but not sure when that will start. It’s extra cash which is nice. She is a lonely person so I think she enjoys my company. She is older than me, probably my parents age but I like chatting with her. Just the other day I found out she also used to cut herself and has also been in and out of the psych ward here. She has also listened to me talk and complain about my in-laws and been very supportive. It’s nice having someone so close to talk to.

We went to Wal-mart today to get my son’s first b-day pictures done. We just got one pose and he was smiling so it was perfect. He’s such a happy baby but so so so busy. He’s non-stop moving for morning until night. I just love my kids to death. I keep trying to channel my energy into being a great mom to turn me from thinking about restricting all the time to trying to be a good mom. It helps a bit. I am also learning to set boundaries, be myself and be more assertive. It feels great to be me and be ok with it. I say what’s on my mind more often, say no when I need to and it’s liberating. So I guess it’s good my in-laws came. I am finding myself more and more each day and liking what I find. I am also realizing how much I liked my life before they came. I miss my life, my routine, and everything I had before. So that’s a good thing. I will enjoy it more when I have it back….Anyways, hope you all are well. I miss coming on here but don’t seem to find the time as much.