Extreme Anxiety
Ok, I’ve put myself in a dilemma. Now that my sis and I have reconnected it’s been good. However, she will be coming back to B.C. today from Alberta and said she will come see me when she’s here. My dad reminded me to remember social distancing because Alberta hasn’t done as well as B.C. with covid and also I don’t know where my sis has been. She’s still using drugs etc and now I’m worried about how I’ll go about visiting without putting my family and I at risk. I’ve never been good at setting boundaries with my sister so I’m scared. I don’t want to say something and have her get upset and for it to ruin the chance for us to start over again. What should I do? My anxiety is so bad right now.
You have to realize that whatever GOOD you try doing for her, she is going to be upset about. That has nothing to do with YOU but with her own problem, which she cannot see out of. You have a family, and SHE needs to understand that you cannot and should not put that family at risk. Do you have a guest-house that you can put her in while she visits? If not, can you rent her a hotel room? You DO need to be stern and tell her your concerns, albeit in a kind manner, and don’t ask her, but TELL her that you cannot put your family at risk and that either she gets tested and shows you the results before coming in, or you’re happy to find her an alternate place to stay. I know you’re afraid of upsetting her, but you have to be your own main concern, and then your family, and THEN your sister, especially because she is harming herself and you cannot allow that to trickle into your household.
@thenerve thank you for your reply. She is just coming for a visit and def not staying the night here. I want to try and keep the visit outside to keep it safe. I’m worried she won’t understand my fear as she doesn’t really believe in covid. But my nana is in an assisted living home and she Has dementia. She is high risk. I’m one of the few people she calls when she needs help or something and I’ve taken her out for dinner before just so she doesn’t lose her mind. The place she is living in is now allowing short outings with family. I cannot risk giving her covid as I know it would kill her.
@skinney4life – Then please let that be your main concern (your Nana’s health). Why not have her meet you at some place far from your home? Tell her you’re having to run some errands, and you guys can meet and do whatever… and just make sure you wear appropriate protective gear, and just in case, bring an extra mask for her, tell her to humor you (sometimes eliciting pity even if not needed, does the trick). Wear/bring gloves. Make sure that you have a way not to have her cough/sneeze directly in your face’s direction, and if you think that’s unavoidable, wear glasses (the eyes can be a point of contact too). And don’t be afraid to stand up to her – if she cares about you like you care about her, which I’m sure she does, she shouldn’t have a problem easing your mind by covering up 🙂
@thenerve well it’s late at night. She hasn’t messaged me yet. I feel safer meeting here as I don’t know the people she hangs around. I don’t have any masks, haven’t used masks or gloves since covid started. I’ve just been keeping safe by staying home, isolating and only going point when I need groceries. My sis coughs a lot cuz she like chain smokes so that’s a big fear as well
@skinney4life – Well, you can’t expect her to follow an example you are not setting 😉
@thenerve yes that’s true
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