Dad’s Emails to ME
These are emails that my dad had sent to me and put them on here so that I would always be able to look back and read them…LOVE YOU DAD
Kristen,
I know I always try to be funny and put a positive spin on life.
On a serious note I really want to thank you both for the past weekend. To get to hang out with the kids was wonderful as was seeing you and Tanvir take some time for yourself.
My eyes were also opened to how much we tend to miss when our lives get too busy. My New Years resolution will be to take more time to pause and "smell the roses"…this weekend made me take a little closer tally about what is important in life and certainly my kids and grand kids are number one!
Now to your birthday…of course we wish we were there but hopefully we can celebrate on Wednesday or Thursday even a nice dinner would be fine. Whatever works for you…it is YOUR BIRTHDAY!
I know I`ve said this before but I need to tell you how much Paulet and I brag about you and where you are in your life journey. You have overcome more detours than most would in a lifetime. Paulet and I never forget that each day you have your demons that you do battle with. And each day you win those battles, some more emphatically than others…but you thrive to fight again tomorrow. Nobody gets a free pass to waltz through life but you really have managed to strike a blow for all of those like yourself that face the struggles that you do. Some day we need to begin our book because it really is an incredible story and as the kids grow it becomes even more remarkable. I do not know if you have time to journal but it would certainly be something to look back upon…your thoughts as you enter the prime child rearing years. Not only the crazy things these kids come up with (Papa, do you have your pass key…comes to mind)…but also how you deal with the challenges both personal and in the relationship with Tanvir and his culture and your children and their high intelligence and maybe a little of your same issues.
I just want to say…YOU ROCK…and we LOVE YOU!
DAD and MOM
HAPPY BIRTHDAY
Enjoy your day…enjoy your husband…enjoy your children…
but most of all…ENJOY YOURSELF…you have really earned it!
Hey Kristen,
I’ve really been thinking about you the last couple days and just want you to know how incredible Paulet and I think you are.
We know things are tough right now and the arrival of Tanvir`s parents puts a lot tension in the house hold.
Not many people understand the tings you wake up every morning to. To be doing what you are EVERY DAY really is something to be proud of. Besides dealing with your own issues…Aspergergers, Touret’s OCD…every single day you have managed to be a wonderful Mom to those beautiful children. Really Kristen, take a deep breath ansd see how far you have come.
The roads you have traveled have been littered with many a road block…yet you have time and again risen to the challenge.
I know at times you have just wanted to give up…evenb I have been there…we all have.
Not having your own space for an extended time will be very trying. Keep in mind that you could always arrange for Tanvirs folks to come to the famr for a few days while they were here to have a break. Mom and Cosmo would love to meet them and they could stay in the guest room and believe me Cosmo would take Tanvirs Dad and show every inch of his tractor, the farm, the river…and even though she doesn`t spweak English Mom would be the m ost gracious hostess for Tanvir`s Mom.
It is an option and would give you of your own time during their visit.
Anyways, just had to let you know you are in our thoughts and Mom and I are here if you need anything…even just a listening ear.
Love you and very proud of you!
Mom and Dad
Kristen,
Your letter has opened my eyes to a few things and I’m just sort of sitting here with a million things spinning around in my head. I know you don’t want to talk to me but I just want you to know that my strong desire to make Paulet happy goes way farther than that. I want to make my ENTIRE family happy ALL THE TIME. Impossible. Why I think I can do that I don’t know. As you said yourself in your letter …don’t try and cheer me up. I don’t know why I seem to "Have To" try and make things better, but I do. I really don’t understand it. But when your upset, like now, I am upset and just pace around thinking how to make things better. I need to to stop doing this. I just want to be a father that you can talk to, that you can really enjoy being around. A father that knows when he needs top be serious, and when he can joke around. I will try to be that father…and Kristen…You are the one, the only child that will actually share her feelings with me once in a while. Your honesty and openess will hopefully help to make me a better father to all my children. It takes a special child to reach out like you have. Thank you.
Love Dad
<span style="font-size: small”>
Nov 22 Kristen,
It is odd that would you write me at this time because I have been really doing some thinking of my own and on the way home today I think I got a few things sorted out. I have not bben the father you have wanted or needed and my attempts at being funny have long since worn thin with you. Why it took until today to really set in I’m not sure except for the fact that I knew, deep doown inside, that you were disappointed in your father. That hurt me more than you can know, and believe me, I DO KNOW, that this is of my own doing.
I will now speak the GODS HONEST truth! I have never been more proud of any of my children then I have of you. Why, you ask. Because I have done my homework just like you and I may not understand your feelings all the time but I do understand thaT you wake up EVERYDAY and deal with more than most people could even imagine. I do know that Paulet feels as much for YOU as she does for any child and she was actually trying to do something good when she did your baby picture. I do know as adults we sometimes make bad, hurting decisions even though that is the last thing we would ever want for our children. I do know that I have tried to be a good father but in my efforts I have lost track of being a father that you kids can come to. This is my shortcoming, not yours, because all you kids don’t like to talk to me about important things in your lives. I do know that Paulet loves you kids, Dillon, Amira, and Matthew more than you can ever imagine, as do I.
Sometimes our perception of things can be clouded when you are a clown (like myself) or upset or stressed (like You or Paulet) but I truly believe, with all my heart that our family does love one another and want the best for one another. I know I don’t show it but I am very upset that everything got messed up with this wedding thing. Maybe I should share my feelings with my children more so you know that at times (especially lately) I feel totally overwhelmed. I cannot stand to see my children hurting so I deal with it internally which probably doesn’t help me and certainly hasn’t helped my children.
I am so sorry that I haven’t made you feel special, because there has been no more special child in my life than you Kristen. I say this from the bottom of my heart. These are feelings I have had for a long time. I guess I assumed you knew that. Taking things for granted is a fault of mine, I had no idea I was taking our love for granted, but today…on the way home …I knew I was.
I am so incredibly proud of you and love you more than you can imagine. These are my true feelings. Someday I hope you can feel the warmth of that love.
All my love…Dad
March 30 2005