BAD Day

Today was a horrible horrible day. I was super grumpy and so so irritable all day long. I tried to make myself snap out of it but was unsuccessful. I hate when I get like that. I am an absolute bitch. Everything bothers me, especially noise and touch. I hate people touching me and noise always makes me irritable.

I guess this is one of the reasons I need to recover from my ED, despite my desire to stay thin. I get way too bitchy and am not a good role model for my kids. They need me alive, with energy, enthusiasm, joy, happiness, and peace. I can’t give them all that when I am starving, despite all my efforts to do so. I know I often tell myself when I don’t eat that I am ok, it doesn’t matter and it’s not affecting my life at all. But those are the times when my days suck, I am irritable and just a bitch. Then I eat something, and wow, there’s a huge difference. Little things don’t bother me so much anymore and life seems just a bit easier. I still am a little irritable because then my mind obsesses over my weight, body shape, etc. But I think in the long run, the starving bitchiness is worse. I am hoping one day that I don’t give a crap what my weight is, so long as it’s still in the healthy zone.

Anyways, am gonna go. Just wanted to drop another quick line in here. Peace./