Tuesday–Up Early
Babysitting the grandkids today. Their mom starts a new job today. I hope it works out for her, especially if I still can’t get work by the end of this month.
Went to my therapy appt yesterday. We usually talk about my job search, but yesterday our discussion was mostly about my failing marriage. He’s exactly right…I automatically take her criticisms and snarky, smirky remarks personally. It didn’t seem to matter yesterday that I got some things accomplished. What did matter was that I let one of our dogs out without asking her, and I burned one of the pizzas for dinner.
Sometimes I think there is only one way out of this situation. I have the pills I need for that. It may be my last resort.
You know that is not the way. There is always a way out of any situation….not always an easy way. But you can choose not to keep doing what is making you miserable. Did you tell your therapists how dark your thoughts are…about the pills? If not, you need to. Let someone know that you really need some (more) help. Take care….and look at the faces of the grand kids for inspiration and joy.
@ladyhawk_1 We discussed the dark thoughts a little bit. He knows that I am miserable.
@skd0617 Think about where you would like to be in a year. It may seem impossible, but nothing is. Make it your goal and take tiny steps towards achieving it. Obviously, getting a job is probably priority no matter where you plan to go with the rest of your life. Or, are you old enough to retire? Anyway…think about what would make you happy and go for it. And banish those dark thoughts because there are good things in your future, things you don’t want to miss out on.
@ladyhawk_1 I am not old enough to retire.
@skd0617 Well, that is good and bad. Good that you are still young enough to make changes in your life. And bad, because if you could retire then no need to find a job. So…thinking about where you’d like to be yet? Dream big! The world is really a big, exciting, mysterious place with surprises around every corner. Sometimes you just have to dig yourself out of a hole to get out there and experience the good things.
@ladyhawk_1 Maybe I should reveal more of my story in another entry.
@skd0617 Yes. That would be good. I’ll look forward to reading it.
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