love in the air??

Wow can’t its almost May already! Been pretty busy this last month. I weighed myself the other day and I’ve lost 60 pounds since I started dieting! I’m so excited!!!

In other news I met someone! Yeah I know in the past few entries I have talked about how I don’t want to be with anyone. I honestly can say I did believe that, I don’t need a man to make me happy. No one needs that! Well his name is Jonathan. There are certain things that are like Dan but they are so small that it doesn’t even bother me. The main things are that we have so much in common, we love the same types of music, we both love our family very much and will do anything for them, we are not looking for a relationship that has to lead to getting married, we both believe we should let life take our relationship where it goes…not us trying to take it somewhere that is just going to screw everything up, we both LOVE sex…THANK GOD! haha we both agree if this doesn’t work out that we want to be friends…and yes I know what your thinking, everyone says that and when it comes down to it, it never works. Well its different with him, even tho we are “sort of” a couple now I feel like he is my best friend first and my lover second. I feel like I can tell him anything and I mean anything…I have already told him stuff that I haven’t told my best friend Heather. Don’t get me wrong Heather has always been there for me and I know she will always be there for me as well I be there for her but its different. Another thing I love about him is that hes not religious, I mean don’t get me wrong he believes but not in everything…he has his own faith and I love that and it helps that I know he will never force me into believing something I dont want to believe in or get pissed off if I do decide to become religious again.

Ok so I have to explain something…he really is not the type I go for tho. Personality yes but looks no. I am not a racist person but when it comes to be attracted to someone I usually go for someone with paler skin. He’s full blooded mexican which is COMPLETELY fine with me. Just have never been attracted to someone like that. So he was born in Texas and was adopted like 2 weeks later. His adopted family moved to Ohio and thats where he was raised…so no he does not have an accent and honestly doesn’t know a lot of spanish at all but he looks like he does. I will always be jealous that he will have a better tan then me lol

Another thing is that he lives in Ohio. He’s living with his dad because his dad was diagnosed with heart failure. So hes living there and taking care of his dad. Which I admire very much. So along with having a relationship with him we have to deal with the distance…which isnt really that bad were only 11 hours away from each other but still…cant see each other everyday or even every weekend. Thats one reason we are trying to take it really slow and also why I put ^^ there earlier “sort of” dating cuz right now we are saying we are in between friends and dating…because we dont want to rush into a relationship if we are not ready for it…I mean I know we both want it but we can rush something and then it hurts us in the end cuz of the distance. Hes planning on coming up to see me in the next couple of months. That will be amazing.

The reason I know he really cares for me and not just as a friend is cuz we got on a subject about Dan today and he got so upset about it. So I still havent gotten my name off Dans bank account and Im getting calls about how Dans over drafting way to much and they need to get ahold of him and I keep saying I dont use that account anymore and they go yeah but your name is still on it so we have to call you too. So I need to go in and get it taken care of and Jon got really upset that Dan was giving me shit about it and not going in and just taking my name off of it for me. He basically said I have to get that fixed before we get serious cuz he doesn’t want me around Dan ever again after…hes worried for my safety. I thought it was sooooo sweet how upset he was getting. He kept going I dont want you near him without me or your dad around or someone you trust that can kick his ass if he tries something.

So we will see how that goes tomorrow…I’m planning on going in there tomorrow to get it taken care of…I am not going to be stuck paying all the draft fees that is bullshit. They can check and see I havent had a atm card for that account since June 09. So Im not taking money out of there thats all Dans doing. I will be taking them to court if they make me pay. I’m afraid they are going to have to call Dan in while I’m there. I dont want to see him and I deff dont want to be in the same room with him.

I found a picture of him the other day on my computer and I almost threw up..and Im not kidding I know most girls say that when they break up with their bfs. But I really almost threw up….I have NOOOOO idea how I stood being with him for so long or even started something with him. I went on my photobucket account and found all our pics on there…I hadnt been on that site in like a year and half. I looked at some of the pics of us and it made me sick but also sad….I really did give him my whole heart…you could even see it in the early pics of our relationship…we looked so happy. To this day it still hurts that I wasted so much time trying to fix things with him. I guess I just didnt want to throw away 2 years. Don’t get me wrong I DO NOT miss him at all or how I felt when I was with him. Its just a shame I will never get those 2 years back….EVER! Thats one reason why Im afraid to start something with Jon…I mean I really want to but theres that little voice in the back of my head saying be careful…stop feeling like this towards him…your only going to hurt yourself in the long run.

So yeah I guess time will tell on what goes on with Jon and me. Is it wrong for me one minute to be so sure of everything with us and the next be like i need to take a step back and think about this?? I just don’t know…I wish I had Amanda or Heather here to help me with this….