Hitting my stride

Hello and welcome back to our internet home

I had a different diary on here before…and I originally started to reclaim it, but as it started restoring and I went through the old entries…I’m not that person anymore.

Thankfully. Like seriously the people that used to read me deserve a medal for wading through that shit on a daily/sometimes more often basis.

I was on a roller coaster ride that I wanted to get off of, but didn’t have the strength at the time. It was surreal going back and remembering all that. Reading words it felt like a stranger wrote, thinking “holy crap…I really thought that?…I really put up with that shit?”

I think it’s even more incredulous because of the relationship I have now.

But I guess before I get to that, a bit about me.
I’m older than I want to be, older than 30 but not yet 40…oh god just writing that was sad and painful.
I love to read, especially fantasy YA. My favorite authors are Leigh Bardugo, Sarah J. Maas, Neil Gaiman, Patrick Rothfuss….I feel like there’s someone really obvious I’m forgetting….oh well.

I have anxiety. It’s annoying.  But it’s good to know as you may read irrational rants.

I teach elementary art…as jobs go it’s pretty sweet aside from the pay.

My favorite TV shows are South Park, The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel, The Good Place and Parks and Rec.

Oh, I play world of warcraft. ..yeah…that’s a thing. I play for B mainly. I’d be completely fine if I never logged on that game again otherwise.
I’d much prefer to play PS4 or the Switch…or, you know, pretty much anything else…but I do it for him.

Speaking of him…him is B.

B isn’t perfect…no one is…but he’s damn close.
We’ve been together over 3 years now, had our ups and downs, but not the volatile dysfunction of the past.
It’s a 2 way street. I actually make him want to be better and he does the same for me.
We’ve grown into better people together.

Growing up, I had this notion of domesticity. I had this vision of me and my future husband, just chillin on the couch, watching tv or whatever.
And a few months after being with B, there we were…sitting on the couch, he was writing…I was reading…and I knew in that moment there was absolutely no where else I wanted to be.

We’re each other’s best friend.

It’s just a million little things…and as they happened, things I never understood started to make sense. Like jewelry. I never really got wanting jewelry as a present. Then I realized, oh…jewelry is permanent. You have this thing you can wear and it’s a constant reminder of the sexy guy you’ve got at home. Things that never occurred to me in past relationships are now second nature, reflexive. Just stupid little stuff like reminding him to get his hat if it’s raining. Just wanting to take care of him isn’t a burden, it’s not something I *have* to do…it’s something I want to do.

And I’ve had OK sex before…maybe even good? But never any that made me say ” Ohhhhhh…THAT’S why everyone likes this so much”

There’s things about him that frustrate me…and I’m sure vice versa…There’s day’s i’ll come here and rant…but overall…at the end of the day, he’s my person.

And that’s where I will end for now. Gotta take this 3rd grade class out for PE extra.