Anxious Insecurity

So you know how most people look forward to concerts or conventions?
Well…I wish I did. A new event comes up in my life and I don’t think “Oh yay! Fun times!”

I think “Oh good, a chance to be around half naked women and feel like a piece of shit when B looks at them”

As many of you probably know, Warped Tour announced it’s final tour and there are some really awesome bands I really want to see. (Mostly Ice Nine Kills. Also Motionless in White and The interrupters) There’s quite a few other bands B wants to see and I REALLY want to be excited about this with him.

Instead I’m debating whether I should stay home so I don’t have to deal with that punched in the gut nauseous feeling I get when he looks at another woman.
…Looks is putting it mildly btw. He looks, and looks and looks up and down…and then realizes Im watching him, and then when I get upset (because it sucks and it hurts) he asks “whats wrong”

Like…idk how he doesn’t know what’s wrong. And I would feel like a fucking idiot saying “You’re looking at her” because that’s really retarded.

Before I go any further, I should emphasize that I DO NOT want to feel this way. Do I like that he ogles other women? Not really but I know he loves me and it’s not like he’s flirting with them, so I’d really prefer it to not be a big deal.
The chemicals in my brain/body feel otherwise.
I do not want to be “that” girl, but short of a ton of klonopin and liquor, I don’t know how to not let it bother me

The one thing he could do to help the situation, is learn how to fucking give a compliment. When I get dressed up, more often than not, I look pretty damn hot. Sometimes B will see me and say “Fancy”
Sometimes he nods his head and then later on in the night when his other head takes over more of the thinking he”ll elaborate. But by that point I’ve spent a good portion of the night annoyed because he cant give a compliment.
I’ve got insecurities, yeah. But you’d be surprised how far a “wow you look beautiful” or “very sexy” would go to quell my jealous rageyness.

The other thing that bothers me is, quite often after these events we’ll have sex. And my awesome brain is like “Does he want you? Or is he imaging you’re someone else he saw tonight?”