it only hurts when i breathe

i’m always putting myself into situations that are going to be detrimental to my mental health, well i guess i’m the one that makes it that way.. i don’t know, i know i’m falling into this thing that can’t turn out good, there isn’t any way it ever would, and the truth is i’m already scared to death of how its going to end up….

so i’ve been seeing dale, i saw him friday and then twice on saturday. he’s been working at the hotel down the street (travis’s) and he’s been calling when he can leave etc etc….. its just this sketchy thing because no one can really know that he’s with me, well anyone he knows anyway….just makes me feel bad, i don’t like being a secret…..esspecially with him, because i’ve never had to be…. blahhhhhh why can’t he just be fucking SINGLE. why the fuck can’t anything ever work in my favor? need to keep distant though, or it’ll make me crazy, i know it will………………………………….

i was so mean to him when i dropped him off sunday…. i gave him a huge attitude, he tried to kiss me and i dodged it… then he text me today (i was releaved) and called me a grump, so i apologized, just said i was tired, although it had much more to do with the fact of the situation, not that i was tired. i just don’t want him to ever know if i’m sweating him.

he’s so fucking cute though, and on the other hand i’m completely thrilled to even be in his life 🙂

me and mark are pretty much done, we don’t get along that well, lol and its fine with me because i knew that, he’s too much of a dick all the time for my taste, better luck to the next girl…..

so yeah other than the drama i’m good, my boys will be here in 7 days, i’m so fucking excited.

matthew’s bday is tomorrow…………i’m going to go to salem to the gravesite, hang out for a little bit, FUCk i miss him so much…..