Found 4.22.04

dude things are so weird right now, and i don’t even feel like getting into it. good weird, but nevertheless…

i found dale. (he used to be my nieghbor, and long time crush) finally. 3 years later. i haven’t seen him since may 11th 2001 (i wrote about him in my entry after the staind concert)  and he shows up at MY BAR last thursday…..God it was good to lay my eyes on him…… It’s something about the way he looks at me, right into my eyes. one big staring contest.

i miss my neighbors.  went to Boston with them, had ALOT of fun.

lalalalalalalalalala….

so me and billy broke up, sort of. we are taking time out of this relationship to figure out what the hell i really want, and the last thing on earth i plan on doing is hurting him, i just can’t do it anymore….it’s really hard to explain the issues we have, but we mutually agreed that we need to seperate, because i haven’t actually been on my own since before matt, and i think that is alot of the problem. My friends think it’s totally random that me and billy break up on wednesday and on thursday i see dale. dale said he saw me on hot or not and he kept sending me the meet me messages but i never check them, i always just delete them. so technically he found me, whatever……because he’s married, yeah to stephanie…..let’s just say he’s not acting married towards me, but i keep reminding him that he is, infact hitched, and i can’t play that game. i wonder if she’s pissed that he never wears his ring. they have a fucked up relationship anyways. they always have. oh well. at least i know where he is now, so i don’t have to kill myself looking at EVERY casino concert.

it’s just crazy, i mean when i was 16 we were the best of friends  (he was 20, going on 21) and now, 8 years later, we pick up right were we left off. It’s just comforting. he told me that he wishes i would have been 2 years older, so maybe we could have tried….to have a real relationship….but i moved and now everything has changed…….i felt like i was a teenager just being around him, all giddy and stuff 🙂

he just rocks…

i’m in the oddest state of mind lately. i can’t tell if it’s a good or bad thing. i think good.

not even to mention the fact that my team is completely ON FIRE….. 🙂

You say you want
Diamonds on a ring of gold
You say you want
Your story to remain untold

But all the promises we make
From the cradle to the grave
When all I want is you

You say you’ll give me
A highway with no one on it
Treasure just to look upon it
All the riches in the night

You say you’ll give me
Eyes in a moon of blindness
A river in a time of dryness
A harbour in the tempest
But all the promises we make
From the cradle to the grave
When all I want is you

You say you want
Your love to work out right
To last with me through the night

You say you want
Diamonds on a ring of gold
Your story to remain untold
Your love not to grow cold

All the promises we break
From the cradle to the grave
When all I want is you

You…all I want is…
You…all I want is…
You…all I want is…
You…

*U2*