alcohol quotes

haha i found this website, some of them are quite amusing.

Stay busy, get plenty of exercise, and don’t drink too much.  Then again, don’t drink too little.  ~Herman “Jackrabbit” Smith-Johannsen

Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk.  That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.  ~Ernest Hemingway

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.  ~Author Unknown

I prefer to think that God is not dead, just drunk.  ~John Marcellus Huston

Draft beer, not people.  ~Author Unknown

The first thing in the human personality that dissolves in alcohol is dignity.  ~Author Unknown

Wine is bottled poetry.  ~Robert Louis Stevenson

When the wine goes in, strange things come out.  ~Johann Christoph Friedrich von Schiller, The Piccolomini, 1799

If drinking is interfering with your work, you’re probably a heavy drinker.  If work is interfering with your drinking, you’re probably an alcoholic.  ~Author Unknown

If you know someone who tries to drown their sorrows, you might tell them sorrows know how to swim.  ~Quoted in P.S. I Love You, compiled by H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

O God, that men should put an enemy in their mouths to steal away their brains! that we should, with joy, pleasance, revel, and applause, transform ourselves into beasts!  ~William Shakespeare, Othello

First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you.  ~Francis Scott Key Fitzgerald<!–PMB, p289; quoted in Jules Feiffer, Ackroyd, 1977, 7 May 1964–>

I think a man ought to get drunk at least twice a year just on principle, so he won’t let himself get snotty about it.  ~Raymond Chandler

If four or five guys tell you that you’re drunk, even though you know you haven’t had a thing to drink, the least you can do is to lie down a little while.  ~Joseph Schenck

This is one of the disadvantages of wine:  it makes a man mistake words for thought.  ~Samuel Johnson

One reason I don’t drink is that I want to know when I am having a good time.  ~Lady Astor

Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.  ~W.C. Fields

What’s drinking?
A mere pause from thinking!
~George Gordon, Lord Byron, The Deformed Transformed

I like to keep a bottle of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.  ~W.C. Fields

You don’t have to be a beer drinker to play darts, but it helps.  ~Author Unknown

When the wine is in, the wit is out.  ~Proverb

I feel sorry for people who don’t drink.  When they wake up in the morning, that’s as good as they’re going to feel all day.  ~Frank Sinatra

Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer.  Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.  ~Dave Barry

Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with, that it’s compounding a felony.  ~Robert Benchley

The chief reason for drinking is the desire to behave in a certain way, and to be able to blame it on alcohol.  ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic’s Notebook, 1960

I envy people who drink – at least they know what to blame everything on.  ~Oscar Levant

Remember:  “I” before “E,” except in Budweiser.  ~Author Unknown

Champagne, if you are seeking the truth, is better than a lie detector.  It encourages a man to be expansive, even reckless, while lie detectors are only a challenge to tell lies successfully.  ~Graham Greene

I’ll stick with gin.  Champagne is just ginger ale that knows somebody.  ~M*A*S*H, Hawkeye, “Ceasefire,” 1973

No animal ever invented anything so bad as drunkeness – or so good as drink.  ~Lord Chesterton

We borrowed golf from Scotland as we borrowed whiskey.  Not because it is Scottish, but because it is good.  ~Horace Hutchinson

Drunkenness is temporary suicide.  ~Bertrand Russell, The Conquest of Happiness

Everybody should believe in something; I believe I’ll have another drink.  ~Author Unknown

Wine gives a man nothing… it only puts in motion what had been locked up in frost.  ~Samuel Johnson

A man ought not never to get drunk above the neck.  ~Author Unknown

Wine is sunlight, held together by water.  ~Galileo

If you wish to keep your affairs secret, drink no wine.  ~Author Unknown

They speak of my drinking, but never think of my thirst.  ~Scottish Proverb

Bacchus has drowned more men than Neptune.  ~Giuseppe Garibaldi

A woman drove me to drink and I never even had the courtesy to thank her.  ~W.C. Fields

Zen martini:  A martini with no vermouth at all.  And no gin, either.  ~P.J. O’Rourke

Beer is the cause and solution to all of life’s problems.  ~Homer Simpson

I’m going to be around until the Atomic Energy Commission finds a safe place to bury my liver.  ~Phil Harris

Drunkenness is nothing but voluntary madness.  ~Seneca

Whoever takes just plain ginger ale soon gets drowned out of the conversation.  ~Kin Hubbard

I drink only to make my friends seem interesting.  ~Don Marquis

Be wary of strong drink.  It can make you shoot at tax collectors… and miss.  ~Robert Heinlein

Why don’t you slip out of those wet clothes and into a dry Martini?  ~Robert Benchley

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.  ~Henny Youngman

My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn’t need glasses.  Drinks right out of the bottle.  ~Henny Youngman

I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me. 

~Winston Churchill

Of the demonstrably wise there are but two:  those who commit suicide, and those who keep their reasoning faculties atrophied by drink.  ~Mark Twain, Note-Book, 1935

Brandy, n.  A cordial composed of one part thunder-and-lightning, one part remorse, two parts bloody murder, one part death-hell-and-the-grave and four parts clarified Satan.  ~Ambrose Bierce

Wine gives courage and makes men more apt for passion.  ~Ovid

Life’s a waste of time, time’s a waste of life so let’s all get wasted and have the time of our life.  ~Author Unknown

Health – what my friends are always drinking to before they fall down.  ~Phyllis Diller

No poems can please for long or live that are written by water-drinkers.  ~Horace (Quintus Horatius Flaccus), Satires

Everyone who drinks is not a poet.  Some of us drink because we’re not poets.  ~From the movie Arthur

How come if alcohol kills millions of brain cells, it never killed the ones that made me want to drink?  ~Author Unknown

One martini is all right.  Two are too many, and three are not enough.  ~James Thurber

New!  Improved!  Instant asshole… just add alcohol!  ~Author Unknown

If you are young and you drink a great deal it will spoil your health, slow your mind, make you fat – in other words, turn you into an adult.  ~P.J. O’Rourke

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.  ~Benjamin Franklin

Never cry over spilt milk.  It could’ve been whiskey.  ~”Pappy” Maverick, in Maverick