Dealing with the Blues

i’ve been inspired to say a few words on what it’s like dealing with depression.  admittedly, some are better at seeking, finding, and allowing themselves to recieve help.  one must overcome such things as misplaced pride, fear of exposing yourself to a stranger, fear of strong medication – or a fear of admitting to yourself that there really is something wrong – that this is not how you were meant to go through life.

that’s the first hurdle i guess – once you can admit to yourself that this is NOT okay, that being miserable all the time for no reason is no way to live, everything else gets a little easier.  you still might have to go through a lot of searching; searching to find the right councelor, searching to find the right psychiatrist who’ll listen to you about your meds, and then finding the right meds that will help you feel like a real person instead a big bag of sadness.

but after that, Lord the changes you’ll notice!  the way you think – the way you FEEL!!  you’ll wake up one morning, or walk out of the office after an appointment, or stop on the way into work, and realize: yes, there is still work to be done, but it was and is ALL worth it.  all the searching and trying different things and different people was all for the best.

i’m not saying it won’t take a while, but if you love yourself at all (or if you don’t, which is all the more reason to GET GOING) you’ll stick with it til it works.  til you can smile at nothing in particular again, or keep your temper when some little thing goes wrong, or not hurt yourself in a room behind closed doors – or outside a building – when someone or some event hurts you, or you can speak up when you are wronged …

wouldn’t that be worth any amount of effort – to feel human again?