When You Think It’s All Right

Last night Sharon and I had a long talk about our relationship. We brought out into the open all the little things that bug us about each other. We were up late talking, I don’t even remember how long. It was dark and we were lying in bed, the baby was in her bouncer next to the bed.

A lot was said last night, I don’t want to get into specifics about everything. There’s mostly just one thing that I find to be very problematic. Everything else that we talked about last night I think that we can work out. The one thing that Sharon said to was that really bothers me is that she feels differently than when we were first together. The same feelings when she used to kiss me just aren’t there anymore, she told me.

That really upsets me. More so because I don’t understand why than anything else. When I kiss Sharon, I still get out of breath and have that electric feeling course through my body.

I don’t have a fear that she loves me. I know she does. I have insecurities though. I’ve always had bad luck with relationships. I’ve been cheated on many times and I’ve never broken off a relationship, it’s always been the other person. I’m not trying to say that I think Sharon will cheat on me and break it off. She’s not that kind of person. What I am afraid of is Sharon getting bored with me and then falling out of love.

I could just be worrying about nothing. I probably am. With a little bit of work and more time together, things will be all right. It’s just always a bad time to spend time together. We have the baby here and I’m working a lot still. We just need a week away by ourselves.

I was given some advice right before I left Iowa. A guy I worked with took me out for a couple of farewell drinks at a bar he liked. While we were there, a regular patron that my coworker knew came in and drank with us. When the regular found out that I was moving so I could start a family and get married, he told me a little story.

“I was married,” he told me.”Forty years we were married. Then one day my wife left me. She told me that we had grown apart and she couldn’t stay anymore. She thought we were in a loveless marraige but the truth is that I love her. I just stopped trying.”

Then this man looked me in the eye and told me something that I won’t forget. He said to me”Always remember, never stop trying.”

I’ve tried to live by that. I try every day to be a good husband and to show my wife how much I love her. I can only hope that it’s enough. I don’t want to lose her.