I Have This Feeling…

I feel as if I’m playing to an empty house. It’s been so long since I’ve written and even before that, my entries were few and far between. I’m certain that the few people that read my entries are no longer watching for my name to be lit up in their favorites list.

My wife and I celebrated out 2nd anniversary this past week. I don’t know how two years has passed so quickly. I can still remember when I didn’t know her. When my life revolved around work and the occasional night out with friends. Now I’m a family man. A wife and daughter. A career and a house. Jesus. I don’t know how it happened.

I don’t want to say that it’s bad. Far from it. I love my life. I’ve never been happier than in the last two years. But at the same time, I don’t think that I’ve ever been sadder as well. It’s not what my wife will think it is. It’s not my family being 800 miles away and it’s not that I don’t like being here with my wife and daughter. It’s a loss. I’ve lost so much and yet gained much more but there’s this part of me, this selfish part. It says “Why you? Why couldn’t you have just been left alone. You were fine.” I hate that part that speaks up like that but yet, I listen just a little bit.

I love my wife. I love my daughter. And I love my life. But sometimes I still mourn for my past life.