Phucking hell….

I didnt go to work today. Left early yesterday. I don’t really know what to say on this. This whole ‘work’ situation. I have a new manager and due to ‘business needs’, my position has changed as of May 4th and since then I feel  like I have been swimming in a black sea of stress, hatred and frustration.

My new position is litreally NEW. New to the company, new title, new everything. What comes with that is a lot of unorganization, a lot of ‘hear say’, a lot of stress, overtime…. so on and so forth. To top it off, I HATE, HATE, HATE the positon. So fucking boring and long and boring. There is no sense of accomplishment, nothing nice about it. Nothing.

3 weeks ago I had had it and I handed in my notice. I felt that if I looked at another fucking file, or listened to someone else tell me how to do something and then have a different person tell me I did it wrong, I may very well have gone ‘office space’ on their asses. So, anyway they more or less begged me to stay and promised me the position would get better.

Well, it hasnt and I am becoming more and more resentful. I hate feeling this ungrateful. I KNOW there are people out there that would KILL for my job, and I hate the fact that I cannot appreciate it. I hate that the money is not enough for me. I mean, what is the point of the money, if I am this miserable all the time.

I need to go to work tomorrow and just suck it up. I stayed at work all week last week. The main reason was because I bought vicodin off them and used it to get through the week. Thats really fucking bad. Damn….

Blah… everything is going to be ok.

Love and hugs.