“there’s a smile on my face”

so i did something kind of weird last night.

not so much weird as something i thought i’d never do.

i went down to Tacoma yesterday to hang out with Kelly (she is leaving for denver in about 4 weeks).  i spent a good 10 hrs with her, just hanging out, reading from different harry potter books and incessantly making fun of each other… lol

well, we watched a movie (one i didn’t care to ever see… but now i can say i have), Guess Who.  the one with Bernie Mac and Ashton Kutcher (no idea if thats how you spell his name).  it was okay, but the ending tanked… matter of fact i felt the ending destroyed the movie.  but that is neither here nor there.

after the movie kelly and i went on her walkthrough of the building (she was the RA on duty).  once we were done we went back to her room and just sat around until cerfew.  during that time i told her somethings i’ve never told anyone…  with the execption of you all, or at least the ones that read my entries.  during this conversation, i realised something. 

this is going to sound really weird, and i, in no way, expect anyone to understand what it is i am about to tell you…

i realised that no matter how much i loved her, and how much i was IN love with her, it was going to change her feelings (which i wasn’t looking for anyway) and that the feeling it gave me was worth much more than anything else that i am able to retrieve from our relationship. 

THUS:  i told her.  i told her exactly how i felt and it made me feel GREAT!

left her place with a gigantic grin on my face (i’m not trying to rhyme i promise), and have felt great ever since.  after telling her i told her i didn’t want, or expect, things to change, but that i had wanted her to know that she means so much more to me (and others) than she gives herself credit for.

with that said, i also made it clear that this was not a new thing, and that i had felt this way about her since the first time my eyes were graced with her beauty.

so, very little right now could ruin my attitude…  not even my ill-prepared and rarely on time sister who attempted to come and see me today, but failed miserably and i doubt i will see her for some time.

it is a good day…  and hopefully my weekend will not change.

much love to you all
– noah