the imaginary invalid

my sister was once in a play about a guy that thought he ailed from everything in the world but was actually perfectly healthy.  she played his maid, and it was hysterical. 

what brings this on i hear you say?  well…  just this…

while reading a diary of someone i find very dear to me (whether she know it or not), she mentioned how people online (i won’t bring the real-life aspect into it) seem to suffer from a variety of ailments (all mental, for the most part).  the strange part about that is, i agree with her.  it seems that most of the time i read a new diary and its the same old thing… a 13-15 year olds that are afflicted with depression, or suicidal tendancies…  cutting, drug use (which is kind of a norm, i’ll give you that), eating disorders, bi-polar… i could go on and on.

don’t get me wrong.  i’m not saying these things don’t exist, but how many of the people on here are telling the truth?  how many of them have actually gone to a therapist and had these things diagnosed?

i just wonder how many people play things up on here to make it sound “cool”.  the whole emo scene (this is just an observation, not a fact) seems to thrive on the weakness of itself? (does that make sense?)  i once asked a close friend of mine, “what exactly is emo?” she told me “emotional pop/rock..” (this is honestly what she said) “its a bunch of whiney teenagers singing about problems they shouldn’t be worring about at that age.” 

took me by surprise, seeing as that all she listens to.  lol

i can understand if people use OD to emphasize things going on in their life, making life seem a little harder than it really is.  my question would be… is life really that bad?

now, lets turn this argument around for a moment (because if i continue to burn you all without talking about myself, i’m a hypocrite!  lol)

i’m not right in the head.  i know that.  however, i don’t display it.  i do when i’m alone… at night crying… or when i’m driving places and i can’t control my emotions anymore… happens to me alot unfortunately.  but other people don’t know about it.  i talk about my problems here because i have no one else to talk about (which is more by design than by necessity).  i’d rather listen to other people’s problems than discuss my own… (which is why therapy was so hard for me).

i feel that if i let people know what was really going on in my head, they’d lose respect for me.  all my life my friends have known me as a strong-minded, strong willed person.  what would happen if they found out what was really going on in my head. 

anyway, i digress.  i feel that people are searching for problems.  i never wanted this and all i want is for it to go away…  why would people ever want something like this.  the ones that revel in the depression, in the crying… *sigh* i don’t understand.

anyway, i’m done ranting…  i just read through and it makes absolutely no sense, but i wanted to put some kind of real entry out there…  i guess…  lol

hope everyone’s day is happy and joyful.  much love to all

– noah