oh boy…
so i have about twenty minutes before i have to go to work. and unfortunately that is not nearly enough time to write down everything i’d like to say. so i’ll sum up as best i can in a few sentences what the last two months have been like.
– began hanging out with the love of my life (that i never though i’d have a chance with) and she seemed interested in me…
– had a magical morning with her on a lake side involving… wait… i’m not going to kiss and tell (well, maybe i will. but i’ll write a story about it. it was truely the most romantic encounter i’ve ever had).
– didn’t hear back from her for 3 weeks, only to find out she never really cared about me that way.
– had first one night stand (before above bullet) with a friend that was going to Boston 4 days later. (i might write a story on that one as well…)
– have made 3 life choices, for good or bad, and now am attempting to follow through with those choices (i.e. career goals, graduate schools to attend, and finishing my degree at PLU)
– have had less that 4 days off
the last four bullets all occured within the last 2 weeks.
i can’t exactly describe to you how i feel at this moment. i’m not sure i even feel. after i found out she was not interested in me (which is still in question considering some even more recent events) i fell into a deep depression, much akin to after Maija and i split up. and i decided right away that wasn’t going to make things any better. i can’t fall to pieces everytime i let myself get hurt. i have to accept that no matter what relationships i make, no matter how deep they get, i’m going to get hurt in the ended of said relationship because thats how i am. so i can either double over with the pain i feel and want to die from grief, or i can hurt and then move on.
needless to say i chose latter of the two.
also, something about the two encounters has changed me. i’m different. much more open to the limitless possiblilties that lie before me.
i know this entry probably makes no sense, but at this partiular moment, i don’t care. its time to get serious and bust out the things i need to get done.
on a lighter note, i’m putting together my jazz combo to play at a club here in seattle. i’m really excited. 🙂
take care
– noah
oh honey, I’m glad you’re doing okay after all that. Better things will come your way. Have fun with that jazz combo!!! That’s awesome! Heather—–>
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oh noah
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glad to hear that you are doing good. *hugs* Amber
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oooh, sorry. Well you sound positive at least. Maitland had a jazz festival recently, it was really good!
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RYN: I suppose it’s not critical to know the sex of the baby perse (so long as the baby is healthy)- but it is still something that is going to shape so much of the rest of the mothers life that it is important. I would want to know immediately if I became pregnant so that I could prepare for one or the other. Raising girls vs boys or boys vs girls are so different from one another.
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but maybe it shouldn’t be, and maybe I’m just being overly dramatic. I don’t know. I just know that it would be very important for me to know as soon as possible. Just a random piece of useless information: I have another co-worker that did wait until birth to find out the sex of her child. It turned out to be a beautiful little girl.
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i am about to break down tho
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hey noah email me please i would like to ask you something.
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