12/04/2009

i don’t think i could get more alone.  i have no where to go… no friends to hang out with.  just sit here by myself and wallow in the thoughts that spin around inside my head.  that bounce and ricochet about my skull reeking damage to everything they touch.  i can’t sit still, i can’t think straight.  i wanna claw at my skin… hit my head against a wall.  anything to make these feelings go away.

and they are only compounded by Bud.  it’s my mom’s birthday today so i called her, and she’s currently in San Francisco with the family.  and she was telling me all the things they have planned for this weekend.  that didn’t help for sure.

i know you all have no idea what i’m talking about.  i can’t bring myself to tell you.  but i’m sure you’ll hear soon enough.

sunday is judgment day.

until then, my mind will torture me with thoughts i have no control over.