Day #4c – Moving Right Along
I made a few cyber friends and looked forward to my husband leaving each morning so I could trip over furniture on my mad rush to turn on the computer. I was heavily addicted. I met a guy online in a chat room that I frequented and of course at first it was a best buddy type of relationship .he was so funny and the ONE for me I thought .he professed his love for me and said we could get thru anything..as long as we had each other he would be right there beside me LOL The problems? Only a few I was married had 3 kids .he was married had 1 kid I live in Maryland ..he was in California. I bit the bullet and in a brave I want to be with the man I love haze told my husband what was going on he knew something was up we were so emotionally distant from each other it wasnt funny. He gave me the money to pack and leave he just wanted me out but I had to leave my kids please know that I am just typing this part as quickly as I can as it is still the one thing in my life I will never , ever forgive myself for no matter what and I need to get it down and not think about it I left my kids and flew to CA We did meet once I got there and 3 hours later I knew I couldnt do it as dead as I was inside and as uncaring as I was about the people whod loved me up till that point in my life I couldnt be away from my kids .I called my husband and told him I wanted to start over and he agreed to let me come back ..I flew all the way to CA and back to Maryland all in 24 hours ..what a waste. I was just so dammed relieved to be back with my kids that I thought I could let my husband control me forever if he wanted. The damage was irreversible at this point tho .he never trusted me again followed me everywhere and I started to resent the control issues again. I had lost all my excess weight and spent a lot of time at the gym, which became more important to me than my marriage.
Finally, he left and got a small apartment .we were trying what he called a temporary separation. I knew it was over suddenly I didnt have to have the house clean to his specifications the cans facing a certain way the towels folded perfectly.