I don’t want….

It really is hard enough to navigate raising 2 children , and having their mother ( my daughter) , living with mental illness, lung disease, and addiction, without well meaning family telling me what I “need” to do.  The number one piece of advise, don’t even talk to her. Don’t allow the kids to talk to her. Don’t go see her. Don’t give her money. That I do agree with, I stopped giving her money years ago. The lists of don’t they offer up is endless.

I want to scream at some of them.  The very conservative family members are the worst.  The more directed to live by their faith the more conservative they become.  I have been told that she is being controlled by Satan. Wow, she is a super sick person.  She is not evil. when she is taking her meds she is most likely not to drink or use.  By use it could mean crack, meth,pills, whatever. she swears she never has shot heroin. I couldn’t tell you if she is telling the truth or not. These people want me to cut ALL ties with her.

I will continue to have contact with her. When she is in recovery i will go see her and allow the kids to see her. TODAY was the first day in a year and a half that they have seen her, spent some time with her. She is in one of the best facilities for recovery. She is able to afford being there because some one GIFTED her the cost. All paid for.

So…it was so wonderful to hug her, i gave her a long hugs and didnt let go! The kids cried with emotion. I was happy to see them let it out. It was a very good visit. One of the best in 7 years. I refuse to give up those precious times. The kids deserve happy memories too. Today was one of those days. I  have a heart full of love. My emotions run overtime during a lot of the time. Today i was at peace with her.

I have to live on my own terms. I love being at peace.