Dreams that become reality

Its been a couple stress filled weeks, Good stress and bad stress. The good stress is that my son and his wife came for a visit. They live a great distance from me, and I had not seen them in a year and a half.  oh my goodness how sweet it was to spend the better part of 2 weeks with C. His wife and kids (4 boys) flew back home. He had planned on driving home All went well with his visit. I enjoyed having his around. he gave me insight into a few things.

On his way home last Friday morning his auto broke down just and hour and a half into a 12 hour trip. He phoned me and I drove to pick him up. Being Friday no one was going to be able to begin work till Monday.  Its his fuel pump. 1200.00 it was going to cost to get it back on the road.  Christopher found out how much other places would charge and he talked to the manager.  He got a few 100.00 off.  pays to do a few minutes of homework.

All fine and dandy, well, I think he made it home.  earlier he had finally made it back on the road.  My other son, N , drove C back down to his car.

The stressful part of all of this are the things C told me that N and his dad are saying about me. I was astounded. The entire conversation with C made me sick. I allow my ex to live in my basement, free of charge. He does not work. has not worked in 11 years.  He does help out with some yard work, but not all as I do a lot too. I also have him painting, and updating  each room.  So far the kitchen, my bedroom, the living room and the kids bedroom. Apparently he put down every single aspect of my life. He feels I owe him “big time” for doing this work .i feel differently.

My son N has a lot of hate for me because I am raising 2 of my grandchildren. He is consumed with Jealousy that I bought a house. Not that he has ever been homeless.  He just plain hates me. that hurts deep in my soul.

yesterday was a hard day. I was extremely depressed.  I didn’t speak to anyone after I dropped C off at N’s home for the night. I spoke to the kids. This has nothing to do with them. I cant bring myself to even look at loser daddy, basement troll.  I am not cooking for him either. I don’t really cook for him but he is invited to join us in our meals.  I am very angry with him.  oh its not just dinner at home, I pay for him to go to dinner with the kids and I go out.  I also pay for him to go on vacation every year for the last 4 years.

so I fell asleep about 3 ish. I woke a lot during my sleep. the one scary thing that happened is that I woke myself up during a dream I was acting out.  I woke as my eye glasses hit the floor.  I keep them on my night table , next to my bed.  I woke up sitting up throwing my glasses on my floor. I don’t ever remember sitting up or moving about in dreams before.  I don’t remember my dream either.

I need to get rid of this troll. its time.  Iknow no matter what I do about N and his perception that these kids have it better than him is pretty sorry for a grown man of 4 children.

I am at a loss as of what to do about the situation(s). I am emotionally exhausted.