heart playlist

i watched chicago tonight.

And almost started crying at the end.

i’ve been on the verge of tears for awhile now. 

I dont want to do theatre this summer.

but i dont want to go to janesville either.

and i still was to be an theatre artisan

but i can’t anymore

i have no motivation.

except chicago the movie.

but i can’t see how i can get there from here.

Dance.

I love to dance.

even if i’m not good enough to do it for a living.

but i love to dance for my heart

not for teh excercise,

but for the passion.

so what if it looks like shit.

it feels amazing.

—–

i’m all alone.

partially by choice.

i didn’t want to go out and party

i didn’t want to go to the winery.

theres nothing new.

nothing exciting anymore

and i dont think anyone really missed me anyways.

nobody calls to see how i’m doing.

i often wonder, if i dissapeared,

how long would it take for people to notice.

after they noticed,

would they go look for me.

would they even know where to look?

—-

one day i’ll fly away.

and as i fade into the sky

a few may notice,

but noone will follow.

—

dread the day when dreaming ends.

—

some days are better than others.

most people dont see this side of me.

they would never see it coming.

—

you dont see me

and you dont know me

and you dont love me

the way … i dont remember anymore….

—

Theres nothing here for me in decatur, IL anymore.  i need to go somewhere else, but i’m tied to the school for another year yet.

—-

i dont know what i need.

but i know i need something to happen

something that will bring new life to me.

—

oi.

 

d.