Me My I

I watched part of today’s Dr. Phil, with Danny Bonaduce (of "Partridge Family" fame)… and thought… wow, minus the alcoholism, that could be me. I had an affair that trashed my marriage, and I doubt that my wife will ever trust me again. She will say that she can, but from what I’ve seen (and haven’t seen) in the last few years, I doubt it.

Almost every time my wife speaks about "shared items" (the house, the children, the everyday life), she puts a 1st person possessive into her sentences. MY house or MY couch or MY kitchen or MY rug… never OURS. She’ll talk to relatives or friends and say "my girls" or "my vacation" or "my XYZ" instead of OURS, as if I wasn’t sharing half of everything with her. It annoys me.

I wish that I felt differently, but I don’t. I hate feeling nothing towards my wife, but that’s how I’ve lived the past 2 years… as if we were roommates. The sex sucks. She hardly gets off her ass and does anything around the house. She buys shoes online every month, spending money that we don’t really have. Ugh… it’s never gonna end.

... me ...

October 26, 2007

random noter: Why don’t u just leave her??

I think this marriage is doomed. Get a divorce!

oobi

October 27, 2007

Yes I have been reading the past 10 or so entries and I have to admit, firstly i think maybe she is having an affair. she doesn’t seem too unhappy with the way things are right now or else she’d complain a lot more. does she nag/complain? also i think this marriage is destined for divorce. if she’s using the term “MY couch, MY kids” then it’s clear she sees herself as being kind of single. ilike your diary. i like your honesty. keep it up!

ricechickie

I am only reacting to what I’m reading, but maybe she’s never gotten over the affair. Unexpressed and/or unresolved anger is toxic to a marriage. Trust me, it’s something I work on to this day. I try to ignore something that’s hurt me and it just builds up to unbelievable amounts of resentment. My husband recently told me he’d rather I just spit out whatever I was mad about as soon as I know.

Anyway, that’s my thoughts on how she might be feeling. And then if she picks up on how you feel about her body, or your resentment of her housekeeping or shopping or whatever, she won’t open up to you. Of course, even if you do everything right, doesn’t mean she’ll ever change. It sounds like a long road for your marriage to get back to a loving relationship.

I’m not judging, or trying to sound like a therapist. I’m just someone who’s been limping along in a marriage myself. Although, some days, I swear I can see a future for us. And some days, I still look longingly at the door. (sorry for the novella) 😉