Is she getting some?

Oh boy, I get some wicked-ass private notes on my entries…  and from people whom I had no idea would actually read my entries.  Actually, it’s good for me to read these notes sometimes.  It gives me new things to think about.

One of these notes on my last entry included the following tidbit:

"she’s probably getting some on her business trips.
good for her."

Wow.  Gee.  I.  Never.  Thought.  Of.  That.

This part of the note (yes, there was more to it…  other fodder to think about) makes me think of a therapy session that I had with a psychologist several years ago.  After many sessions of discussing my marriage, my views on women, and my family situation, the psychologist had this to say:

"either she’s already having an affair or conditions are ripe for her to have one."

See?  I’ve been told this type of thing before.  While the psychologist stopped short of calling me self-centered and unsupportive of my wife (which the private noter alluded to), she did tell me a lot of useful things and give me a different perspective on my situation.

My reaction to the possibility of my wife having an affair?  So what.  At this point, if she’s happier getting some physical affection from someone else, then oh well.  I did it to her, so she has every right to do it to me.

What?  Oh…  yeah.  I slept with another woman a dozen or so times.  I carried on a 3 year long-distance affair with a 20-something who lives 1000 miles away.  I got deeply involved with this other woman.  I spent countless hours paying attention to her and not to my wife.  I went on 3- or 4-day vacations by myself to be with this other woman.  I left my wife at home to deal with the kids while I went to f*ck around with a younger woman who was more interested in me than my wife seemed to be.

All of that ended several years ago, and I haven’t cheated since (mostly because I haven’t found another woman who’s interested).  I don’t know if I’ll ever be in bed again with another woman besides my wife, but I think about it ALL the time.  It’s not to the point where I want to act on my thoughts, but who knows what the future holds.

So I’m just being honest here…  and it’s refreshing for me.  After keeping things to myself all the time, this diary is actually a good place for me to "get it out."  Ahhhhhhhhh.