HoLee Hell

The kids are finally in bed.  I did NOT blow up at them tonight.  I showed restraint…  answered every little "Daddy?" question with a "Yes?" instead of a "WHAT" or a pissy response like "Daddy isn’t here right now, try again."  Ugh.  Why can this parenting thing be so frustrating sometimes??

The girls are 8 and 5.  That’s it, just 2 kids…  that’s all I wanted.  My wife wanted a third, I think, but I vetoed that.  I think that a 1-parent to 1-child ratio is good…  a "fair fight" so to speak.  Adding a third child was NOT an option for me, especially with the sad state of affairs in our marriage at the time (yes, pun intended).  That was like 3 years ago, so it’s ancient history already.

Tonight, I am by myself.  My wife is away on business for the 5th time in the last 3 months.  I’m solo parenting, dealing with every little detail of 3 lives…  and I get tired SO quickly.

There you have one piece of my diarist name:  solo.  That’s how I’ve had to be 5 weeks out of the last 12:  solo.  There have also been many days when I was the only parent around for the kids to rely on because my wife worked late and came home just before the kids’ bedtime, but I won’t get into that here.

Honestly, I don’t miss my wife much when she goes away.  These days, she hardly does anything noticeable around the house.  In fact, for the past 8 years, I’ve done a LOT of extra work and the wife has done a lot less than she could be doing.  Plus, the bedroom has been pretty cold for a few years.  That’s just my opinion, I could be wrong.

Aside:  if you believe that a marriage is supposed to be 50-50, then you’ve fallen into the same lazy trap that many couples have.  I believe in the "Dr. Phil Philosophy" on marriage:  a marriage should be 100-100, that is, both spouses giving 100%.  Giving only 50% is how many marriages get into trouble.  I digress.

Anyway, I handle the parenting rather well when my wife is away.  The girls know when I’m serious and when I’m kidding around.  I make rules and then stick to them.  I make bargains and then stick to them.  I say exactly what I want from them, and when they have to be reminded 5 times an hour to follow through on their end of the deal, I get louder and more short with them.  That’s just how I am…  and I understand that they are young kids and not responsible adults, so I expect some BS to deal with sometimes.

I have some major resentment built up after all of these weeks of solo parenting.  I should get into that in a future entry.  I don’t have time right now.  Note to self…  please explain.

OK, I have to get to a few things before I go to bed…  so I’ll leave it at that for now.

*sigh*