The feeling went away.

WHY CRY (The Panic Channel)

 

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This might not make that much sense but I would rather have the numbness take over then feel.

Ok?

Because feeling..That much. Really sucks.

I love this video. I love what this girl does. I relate to it. Using your creativity and frustration to express your emotion is something I do myself.

* i learned my lesson. I wont be forgiving. I wont give my heart out without suspecting.*

So I told Tj I really cant talk to him every day anymore. It was really fucking with my mind.

I don’t know. I can’t forgive him. I cant talk to him with out hurting. I thought I would eventually get over it already.

But I cant.

I tried and I just cant.I mean it really fucks with me.

*why cry for you?*

..

Shouldn’t I be over it? I have boomer why am I not over it?

Fuck if I know.

Anyway. Yesterday started out ok.Dustin was come over but he didnt. I ended up being a goober on cam. And talking to people online. But then I talked to Ar-Jay. And I had a very bad mental day after thatNot that Ar-jay caused it. Just that he wanted me to explain DID to him. And the whole thing. He thought I wanted to get rid of it. He didnt understand how much changing that part of me would greatly affect me. By the time we were done talking about it, I switched five times. And ended up cying.I don’t understand why people can’t just understand I am mentally ill and accept that I am going to be that way.If i could be fixed overnight…then I would be. But I cant and maybe just maybe I have come to terms with who I am. ANd so should everyone else.

I am tired of explaining.

I am tired of talking.

I am tired of pretending I am fine.

I am just tired,sick and tired.

I need a break. I need to climb under the covers with my muse and just have a brilliant moment of his company and not have to worry about anything.

 

He might be coming over on monday.. That would be great. laters all. SIarai