So Christopher did break up with me.

and ripped my heart out and stomped out on it for good measure.

This is his break up email.(since he wouldnt do it on the phone)

Well, well. I suppose your new phone has it out for you too. I sent you all of the information pertaining to this twice via text, but it conveniently never sent. Or it sent and you never read it. Or Bud opened it before you saw it. Or spirits stopped it from reaching you. Whatever the case, I’ll retype what I had written before–but before I do, I want you to think for just a moment about who I am, apart from you. Do you know? I know Sara Lilian Brown, Siarai Lilian Powell. I have invested my interests in Kawaii-Chan, in Sims, in your fabric and bentos and ModCloth and literally everything Sara. I have even tried to stay interested in the things we had in common before we met, the cultural things I have suddenly felt led to abandon. Now I ask you, who am I? Your honeyman? But, what is the title of my book? Either of the two I have been working on since we’ve been together would suffice for me. What are they about? Does it matter to you, since they aren’t centered around you? Since I am working and not spreading fame and publishing? You call me Christopher Copeland–but what is my middle name? Do you honestly know me as a man, or just as an addition to you? I have seen it coming now for some time, but I am often blinded by the fact that I have a soft heart for people and am compelled to show them love and kindness. I have read your soul and caught glimpses of you as a little girl, a beautiful child with a fragile human heart. But that little girl is buried so deep under the sins you’ve carried into adulthood, and you’ve constructed a new child from the material of your experience to pass off as your genuine foundation. I am not judging you against that. You know as well as I do that this is a standard practice in our culture, for many people who refuse grace and refuse to begin their spiritual existence over from the beginning. But it’s not even about that, or the fact that you can’t pull enough strings to get a divorce from the husband you’ve been separated from for six years. I have my doubts regarding your willingness to submit to God in the matter, and I have my doubts regarding your esteem toward the laws that God gave us as human beings. So here, I will copy the text I sent you verbatim. And no, I don’t want to break off communication with you. I have invested two years of my life trying to vindicate the fantasy of being with you as my beautiful, magical woman, and it pains me to feel this way more deeply than I would gather you to comprehend. This is not an issue of material, an issue of what you mean to me, or an issue of what "we are" in the most base and foolish sense, but is an issue of spirit that I no longer wish to continue fighting up hill against.

"Oh Sara Lilian Brown, of coures I will always love you. You will always be my sister, that much is true. But love for you is different than it is for me. I have seen a Love that is so strong, it conquered death. You can say that you know this Love too, but until it replaces everything in your heart, it is not completely you. It has taken me many months to gain a proper perspective of just how awesome His Love is, and how it effects the walk I had begun even before I met Him. Now I am sure of the proper path, and I will let nothing stand in my way toward building the household He wants. What I have just said might have little bearing on how you feel, and I cannot put things into perspective for you without sounding hostile. But you will never fully submit to me as a husband, you will always hold a rebellious spirit against my desires for innocence, and I refuse to be your wife. There are too many spiritual compromises to be made with you. I know that we have no spiritual connection now, so the meaning of that will probably escape you as well, but I’ll go ahead and explain it more because I do love you. But I do not want to share your spirit, nor do I want to have a family with you. I don’t want to have to constantly battle the things you will never give up to keep my household Godly. I won’t give you specifics. There are too many, and all are of high personal value to you. The things you adhere to will find no place in the household God is going to bless me with. But on the opposite end of the spectrum, I cannot fathom your confusion at the infrequency of our texts or their topics! You have no interest whatsoever in me, only in your honeyman… That’s an archetype you have built around me, no the real me. My spiritual walk is garbage to you, easy to emulate but not worth your earnest interest. Your perspective thinks, why should it be? You already have spirit, and isn’t God anything people call their spirit? No. If my goal in life was to please you, that would be fine enough, and I would let your spirit take pleasure in my heart. But my heart belongs to my Father. If I am to have a family of my own, it must be for His pleasure. I must be Abraham to my wife and kids, not a worthless Ahab. You must understand me. I did not have my mother test you. I asked your son to help support me with your divorce, but you don’t want me to be your leader and head. You want to be the head. You want me to support your kingdom. That’s not what God desires for me, Sara. He would not have given me the wisdom He has if I were to simply be ‘for the glory of Sara…’ Regardless, yes I want to be your friend. I have always been. And yes, I love you. But I will not be your son’s ‘other dad,’ and I will not be ‘your man.’ I am sorry to burden you with the truth, but I am already in a very close relationship with somebody else, somebody who is drawing me away from you. His Name is Jesus, and I will not compromise my walk with Him to keep you in my life. I am His man."

I am not ‘leaving’ you. I am following His will, not my own. Within the past four months, I have had at least two pastors tell me out of the blue, ‘are you sure you’re with the right woman?’ without even knowing about you or us and without any prompting. My spirit becomes injured almost every time I come to visit you, and my heart is broken anew. I cannot conform! I want my whole life to be as the ancient Hebrews. I want to be a Jew for Jesus. I want to live in secret purity to please my Father, ever moment of every day that He has ordained for me. But I will not fight a spiritual battle against my wife and her son just to please the eyes of those already looking, yourself included. I have been given the chance to see the error of my own impetuousness toward finding a wife, and I have been given a new hope for building a totally Christian household that is free from anything that offends Jehovah. Now, remember all that I have said. I will not ever cut you off, because I love you dearly. But I will not marry into a spiritual relationship with someone who is offended when I call her ‘sis,’ with someone who does not love me equally as a sister as much as a man, as much as a Godly husband and the head of her household and existence.
 

SO he broke up with me for God. Pretty fantastic right? 

Oh and after this email he sent me

two more for good measure to tell me just how horrible I am.

IT is awfully wonderful.

I am not dating anyone for a while..People suck.