quicksand

It seems sometimes I am always battling something or another.
And I dont really want to anymore.
I dont want to fight. No matter how much it might be worth it.
I just want things to go right. without so much work.

I barely talk to anyone. I work all the time and my sleep schedule is really screwed up.
Sometimes I dont sleep at all and sometimes I just can not wake up.

I feel like im losing control of myself. And maybe even my feelings. Everything has grown numb and dark and sometimes I just have to hold on with both hands and feet to feel anything.

I dont like having to fight so hard. SO I am not going to. If people love me..Really love me they will understand. ANd if they dont as much as it’ll hurt me Ill just have to let it go.
Because real friends love you..even if you are fucked up.

I know this because I have loved others when they have ignored me because they didnt feel like talking. I have loved others even when I get shoved aside.

And I will always love them.
IT is just how I work but for now. I just have to live in my dark for a while. when I can accept my light again. I mgiht come out of my shell and fight. But until then..
adios.