Is she ultraviolent.. Is she disturbed?

WHEN I COME AROUND (Green Day)

 

Video Code provided by VideoCodeZone.Com

*Im all Busted up,Broken bones and nasty cuts,accidents will happen but this time I cant get uP. She comes tp check on me,making sure I’m on my knees,I do know she’s the one that put me in this state,Is she ultraviolent..Is she disturbed..I better tell her that I love her.Before she does it all over again..Man it is killing me.Before Now I was around, That was all I can really do,She takes good care of me, Just keeps saying my love is true. Is she ultraviolent? Is she disturbed? I better tell her that I love her.Before she does it all over again…Oh that she is killing me.I’m looking out the window for someone thati s passing by.  No one knows that I am locked in here and all I do is cry. Before I just hit the ground,That is all i can really do, she takes good care of me. Just keeps saying her love is true.*

 

I am having one of my blergh days. I woke up feeling like a truck hit me..Then depression hit me like a brick. I have been giving it to God but..Sometimes when you are mentally ill. You are just that it seems. ( Dont get me wrong I am not giving up)  I think most of it is my loneliness factor.. I would really like it if he was here. I would really like it if I had company. I Dont like being by myself sometimess. and even with family around I still feel lonesome.

It has just been Intense. I feel like crawling under my skin where his ghost lives and living there.

I don’t feel like doing anything. I might do some cleaning and maybe some baking and hope that does something..If I cant shake this loneliness I am afraid it might consume me.

 

Last night while talking to him I ached for him so bad.. I wanted to touch him. To tell him everything is all right to kiss him.. Just so bad.

 

So bad.

And It still hasnt realy subsided. It just has loneliness thrown in for good measure.

Which makes me feel wonky when it is this strong and it makes me sad when i cant shake it.

If I still feel like this I might have to submerse myself in a project to take my mind off.

If itll even work.

 

I know. I said I wouldn’t have one of these entries if I can help it…But..

Ok I won’t make excuses. I just feel sad. And I want it known. Because If I bottle up my feelings It gets alot worse.

ALOT worse.

 

I also want him to know how much I love him..and it seems that i cant even cover it.

Which is not good. Because If I cant express it..what good is it.

I know..Blech. I think I am gonna sign off before I depress everyone.

Tiamo mi amigos y mi amore,

Siarai