Bah..WHat is wrong with me anyway?

You see I simply don’t understand myself at all..

I donno. I decided against better judgement to talk to Boomer again. Why did I decide this?

Well besides the emotions there anyway?

I donno. I suck at being friends anyway.

Song lyrics of the day:

pink:lonely Girl 

You see I can remember the very first time I cried.How I wiped my eyes and buried the pain inside.All of my momories.Good and bad that is past,didn’t even take the time to realize I have these cracks in my walls,Because I am waiting for it all to come to an end.Still I curl up right under my bed,I deal with it in my head all over again,(chorus)Do you even know who you are?I guess I am trying to find..Do you see that you’re a shinning star? I want to be a star..Is it good or is it bad?I cant tell anymore..Do you even know what you had? I cant know anymore..Lying awake,I try to clear my mind.I try to hear how the birds sing and not look at the rings around my eyes,I concentrate and push the world I know aside.I am tired of all this pain, I don’t even want to try.Im looking for away to become,The person I dreamt of when I was 18,Nothing is ever enough.ever enough for what it may seem.(chorus)sorry girl tell a tale for me,cz I am wondering how you really feel,Pretty girl tell a tale for me because I am wondering..how you really feel. Lonely girl tell a tale for me because I am wondering..If you really feel.(chorus)

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So I saw the cute railroader today at work. Good Grief…He is fine. : ) I just wanna I donno do bad things. But I am being good.

You see I formulated this plan yesterday. I knew he likes room 305. I was gonna have it clean for him when he got there..But the goofy man got there early.SO I was like hey you…I was gonna get your room ready.:P

He said thats ok..you still can.He followed me back there and talked to me while I cleaned his room. oooh yeah..I should postpone cleaning his room more often haha.

 

Lemme just say…wow on the cute railroader. he sure is funny. In the way I like sort of funny.

Yep I sorta dig him. Not that means much cz I prolly wont tell him lol.

Well someone called my phone the other day but I couldnt understand a damn thing they said. So I hung up on them.

I guess that is all the news I have…Now for some fun nonsensical rambling;)

Rambling:

Can you even see me? Or is this invisibility my reality? Tell me what do you want from me. IS there anyway to make it all stop? Just stop so I can sleep.Think normally. I am tired of being this complicated beast inside of me.It hurts sometimes. I got this scar on my heart.THe heart you trample. You kill the ghost when you pass through but lately and hereunder. You kill my spirit with your wish you wells and I suposes. Dont you know I love you so. WHy do you touch and go. It kills me. I need you..you silly boy.

I need a brain wash..whether it be good or bad. I need something.But until then I will just pull this mask over my eyes in lay still amongst the tall steel walls I pull over me.

Unpenatratible steel to protect the parts of me that hurt..Because it all hurts so much.

And then the numb takes over. A rush of feel good. no more tears. No more anything. Nothing.

I prefer the nothing. Gimme my void of black. I can smile a jaded smile and perform the task of cutting my heart out of my chest bit by bit and handing it to you when I cant feel it..

You are poison on my lips. But I like the tingly sensation..even if it kills me in the end. I will let you in. Regardless.

ARen’t you lucky?;)

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Adios. Siarai