Premonitions?

This can’t be happening. This CANNOT be happening. Why?? What did I do to deserve this? Why me? Why is this happening to me??????

I’m a bad omen. I must be. It’s the only explanation. I bring bad luck. To everyone including and especially myself. I’ve actually wondered if I have the power of premonition. After being obsessed with Charmed for a couple years of my life, I did used to think it would be pretty kool. But now it’s actually quite scary. Scary because it might actually be true. Except it’s different. It’s more like…I’m possessed maybe? No…Well you see, it’s seems as though everytime I strongly think something, or strongly believe in something really bad, it comes true. And every time I have a bad dream I know something bad is going to happen.

Last night I had the worst dream in the history of all dreams. It was the scariest thing I have ever experienced. And it all felt so real. It was so scary infact, that at seventeen-and-a-half-years-old I crawled into bed with "mommy and daddy" and bawled my eyes out like a two-year-old having her first nightmare. It was horrible. Awful. Terrible beyond belief. But yet no one, no one would ever understand. I could not, would not go back to sleep after having that dream. So consequently I managed to get a whopping total of three hours of sleep last night. And I’ve been running on that all day.

So in first period I get the worst possible news anyone could ever give me. "We have a new child and youth cousellor at our school." It all sort of came to me in a daze. Probably mainly due to lack of sleep/lack of concentration. But the only thing going through my mind was, He promised. He swore that he wasn’t going anywhere. He said that nothing was going to happen to him. He promised. He said he would always be there. He promised!!! I’ve been in denial for most of the day. I wasn’t letting myself believe that he was actually gone. That he would actually do that to me. Abandon me just like everybody else.

He abandoned me. How could he?