A weird kind of love

I don’t think I’ve ever missed someone as much as I miss him…Nor have I ever been so worried about someone. Nor have I felt so wrong about feeling the way I do about him. It’s almost like I’m intrigued…no that’s not the right word…it’s like when you want to know about something, or explore a certain place, just because it’s forbidden. It’s kinda like that. Except…not. Well, I don’t really know. It’s incredibly hard to explain. I think I love him. But it’s a different kind of love. It’s not the kind of love you would find in a long-lasting relationship that could turn into a marriage kind of love. And it’s not the kind of love like you love your family, where there’s almost a need to love them, and it’s kinda like you don’t get a choice in the matter. And it’s not quite the kinda love that you and your best friend share. It’s just so…indescribable. I guess he’s mainly just more of a father figure type to me. He is a bit young to be my father, but also too old to just be a friend. And the role he plays in my life is just too weird for him to be either of those. Things would be different if I knew him in a different way. For instance, maybe if he were my neighbour, or even a family friend. But the way things are now, it just complicates things to no end. Maybe it isn’t love. Maybe it’s just some sort of affection, or admiration. I do really admire what he does. Unbelievably so. He’s just the most amazing guy I know. There’s really no other way to describe it. He’s just amazing.

And the things he has done for me…again – unbelievable. He understands me like no other person ever has or probably ever will. He knows practically everything about me. And stranger still, he trusts me enough to tell me so much about himself. Normally, someone in my situation might get a little creeped out, and I must admit, I have had my doubts, but in the end it still amazes me how incredibly wonderful this man is. He never judges me, or judge anyone else for that matter. I really admire that. He’s not afraid to show his opinion, and moreover, not afraid to admit that his opinion isn’t necessarily right. He will take my side even if he knows I may be wrong, and more than anything, he will help me with anything and everything. No matter what. He’s responsible enough to keep things professional, and always, always checks with me before doing or saying anything that may be considered inappropriate. He’s not afraid to crack a joke, but understands when I need him to be serious. He is willing to do anything in his power to make me feel okay, and help me to get better. He always has my best interests at heart, and I understand when he does something I may not necessarily like or want at the time, but somehow later on I figure out that he knew I needed it, even if I didn’t know myself. That’s another thing about him. He seems to almost know me better than I know myself. And he says I know more about him than most anyone else he knows. Which is incredible, considering.

Anyways, I’m babbling.

Thank you for being my everything.