Coffee Chat with Me
“Hey Ho! Hello there yo!”
Who Am I? Damn good question that I doubt will be answered in this post but for you its a chance to get a glimpse into what ShowerConfessions is about and whether or not you want to continue to follow along.
Mom: Thats me. I’ve held that title for 21 years. Its of course transitioned from Mommy, Mama, Mom, to Bruh. Bruh being said with all kindness and love I’m sure. The eye rolls they’re just thrown in like sparkle fingers. No relevance. I have four children. Because they comprise a better part of my life the obvious is yes there will be chapters dedicated to #momlife.
Wife: Thats NOT me. Legally I am single. A 41 year old single, unmarried woman. Can it get anymore depressing, not if thats what you wanted for yourself. Me. No I really and truly wanted a wedding. Nothing Plaza Hotel scheme. But a nice simple classic wedding dress, small bridal party, rustic wedding. Simple, modern, minimalistic. But 20 years ago when my heart said this is the one; I gave that dream up. Simply because “divorce is too expensive”-said my significant other. Hindsight is 20/20-that should have been 🚩 number one. But I played along; it wasn’t until I was 35 (ish) when I realized I sacrificed that and I really was sad I did. BUT now when I see where I am also emotionally not a wife; I agree “divorce is too expensive” and I am glad I am not in that type of legal mess.
Daughter: Yea thats also me. But most definitely not the one that was anticipated when they adopted me. I’m pretty sure when they got the call that I was ready for adoption that they thought they were getting a perfect baby girl. Little did they know I was a small ticking bomb of insecurities, emotional troubles, and a mental health cocktail of depression, abandonment, self hate, etc. etc. etc. Don’t get me wrong I try. I want family, family photos, family reunions, family trips-happy happy happy. But unfortunately I am the black sheep of the family. Not necessarily by default; but reread the first sentence; I’m definitely not the polaroid picture they had envisioned.
Sister: Yup also me. But in an unconventional, blended family type of way. Given I am adopted these siblings I reference are my biological. Aka: birth siblings. I did not grow up with them. I did not live with them. I did not experience the same upbringing. But our relationships define nature v nurture at times. Just as with a blended family, adoption is sticky and messy. But sister I am-both younger and older. Fathom that.
Friend: I suppose-I don’t have many and really don’t feel like I am a good one to those I have. Unfortunately for them I am not in a space or place to care for others. I am protecting my peace, my inner serenity….But they exist and when I am in the right place, I give all too much at times.
So if reading this generic required (required because than how would you know what you are getting yourself into?) introductory post you’ve decided to continue to read on, buckle up the following chapters are to come; Adoption, Parenthood, Marriage/Divorce, Abuse, PTSD, Therapy-I told you, buckle up.