No Title, Just A Few Things (kind long, sorry)

Yesterday was a very good day. I am so thankful for my friends and my family, I love them all to death.

I already mentioned how Andy stopped by in the morning for a while and spent time with the girls, even feeding Kayla, so I won’t repeat that. But we worked some stuff out so that’s good. I think he and I will come out from this better friends than we ever were. Really, I think we can be friends. There is no anger between us (at the moment anyways) anymore, so I think we will be okay. No crying yesterday either! WOOHOO! Feels like a milestone to me, doesn’t it? Yep yep. Definately.

I also have something to run by you all. I’ve talked to a few people about this, and we all have come to the same conclusion, but I also want your input. Since Kayla’s been born, hell, even BEFORE she was born, I was eating a LOT. I mean, grazing throughout the day, eating huge portions of meals, snacking before bed, etc… Now that Andy’s not here, I find myself eating less. Granted, the first day or two it was because I was way depressed and grieving for what I thought we had together. I would barely eat, maybe one or two TINY things to keep myself going, but basically living on coffee, soda and water. Now I might have a banana or piece of toast for breakfast, or nothing, and I’m fine. I’ll have a small lunch (actual portion size), and feel full for hours. Same with supper. And I have pretty much stopped eating after 6 or 7 at night. Unless Jenn and I decide to make chocolate shakes. Mmmm…

Now, does that sound to you like I subconsciously (read: my gut) knew there was something missing in our marriage/relationship and I was compensating for it with food? Because it really does to me. I feel better about myself now that I did before. Besides, when I did graze and snack before, it so was not healthy. Cookies, ice cream, chips, etc… Now if I need a little something, a couple slices of good old colby or cheddar cheese will suffice for a few hours.

Odd, but it works I guess. I’m not depressed anymore, but I still grieve a little bit sometimes for what we use to have. I’m moving towards acceptance, and I’m almost there. I have started to heal after our talk yesterday. Basically what it boiled down to (thanks to my SIL Heather for kind of pointing it out), is that we were a safety for each other. We started dating when he was 19 and I was 16, got married when he was 21 and I was 18, had a baby when he was 22 and I was 19, etc… It all started out young, and we just felt safe with each other. We got really comfortable and set it our ways that it just felt right. Eventually, one of us had to realize what was going on and do something about it. Andy was that person. He realized he still has some feelings for me, but not the ones required to keep a marriage/relationship together. We would have ended up doing something drastic and resenting each other down the line.

Just wanted to put it all on paper (figuratively speaking).

Anywho… Alexis is up and I need to figure out the rash thing of hers. Kinda weird. She got what looked like a bite on her knee Monday night, it was cream colored with a white dot in the middle. The next day it was gone, but she had a few small red spots on her legs. Checked a few hours later, and it had spread like crazy! Almost her entire calves were read and hot and splotchy, and one of her thighs had a nice big spot that was red and splotchy and bumpy. I gave her some benedryl to see if it was an allergy to something, and an hour later it was gone. I kept her pants off all day just for ease of checking her legs. Before bed, the redness had returned with abandon. Her legs were at it again, plus her right cheek and both her upper arms had splotches. Again, hot and dry and red. Gave her benedryl again, but still, an hour and a half later, they hadn’t gone away.

I called the ER and talked to a nurse, and he said that it sounded like an allergy to him, so to keep an eye on it and try some hydrocortisone (benedryl) cream on it if the liquid didn’t work. I don’t have any cream, but I texted Andy to see if he could pick some up for me before he goes to work. I don’t know if he will get the message in time though. If not, I’ll ask Andrea if she has any that I can borrow until I get some since she’s coming over this afternoon with Ashley and the babies. If that doesn’t help, it’s off to the doctor we go! She’s still got the rash on her legs, but it looks like multiple individual bites clustered together. I will take some pics and maybe put them up later. Plus I’ll print them out and bring them to the doctor’s so they can see what I mean.

Have a great day everyone!

Don’t Be A Lurker…