Hard

 

 

 

Just thought I’d catch up a bit with everyone. Things been a bit hectic as usual, no change there.

Things between Andy and I plummeted about a week ago or so. I dunno, we had a long talk last Sunday, not yesterday, the Sunday before. And he cried. We talked about what we want and need and he admitted that he’s afraid to be alone, which I already knew. He’s never really had to depend on himself for everything before, and he’s having a hard time with it. He’s battling depression right now, which I gathered when he cried. I don’t know, things are just so hard. I didn’t really think about how this would affect him, since he gave no sign of being emotionally unstable about it.

I adjusted to the divorce fairly easily, since I had been use to doing everying myself and relying on myself for quite some time. I prepared myself for it. Andy on the other hand, hadn’t given it a second thought until it was over. He wasn’t ready for it, no matter how long it took. He believed I’d change my mind before it was final and things would be okay. I didn’t, and it threw him for a loop.

He started coming over all the time and hanging around a lot. I am trying to move on and grow from this experience, but he started to get in the way. It sounds cruel, but it’s not. Like I said, I had a while to adjust to it before it was final. He didn’t even think about it until then.

I told him we both needed our space to sort this all out and find out where to go from here. I want to be friends, and so does he, but things couldn’t continue the way they were if that was going to happen. We decided that unless it had something to do with the kids or some sort of emergency, that we wouldn’t see or talk to each other for a couple weeks. Kinda go our own separate ways for a while. Let it all sink in. Then try to talk again and find a way to be friends without jealousy or any other harsh emotions.

He’s upset because I’m already trying to move on. Not with relationships or anything, but to move away from the memories for a while. He’s not ready for that yet. But he understands why we’re doing it this way. He needs time and so do I to come to grips with what happened and how to go on from here, separately for ourselves, and together for our girls.

I hope it works, because that would be a waste to let our friendship, the strongest thing between us the last 8 years, go down the drain.

Don’t Be A Lurker…