5 Years of Sadness

Warning: This entry will be very sad and very long.

5 years ago yesterday, my good friend Mark was hit by a van and killed in front of his home. He was a senior in high school and had worked very hard to be able to graduate with his class. He was also about to become a father. I don’t know if the lady that hit him was ever convicted, considering the reports and articles on the incident were very misconstrued.

Around 7:00 pm he was standing by his car in front of his home, about a foot from the curb into the road talking with a couple friends. This lady came around the corner and thought that he was in her way, so she started yelling at him to get out of her way. Mark told her to go around, and she wouldn’t, she just kept yelling and screaming at him, calling him names and such. He got upset, walked up to her van, and started yelling back at her. She gunned the engine, he hit the windshield with his fist, and she hit the gas, sending him backwards onto the asphalt.

Mark’s mom came running out of the house and cradled his head into her lap. The lady got out of the van and told his mom to make him get up, that she wasn’t finished with him yet. Mark wasn’t conscious. The ambulance came and took him to Baldwin and he was semi-conscious on the way there. Once in Baldwin, they put him in a helicopter to take him to Regions Hospital in St. Paul. On the way, Mark flat-lined. When they got him to Regions, they declared Mark legally braindead. What happened was when he fell backward onto the asphalt, he hit his head so hard, it crushed a part of his brain that affects his motor skills and everything else. His brain was slowly bleeding to death.

I got the phone call at about 10:30 pm I believe, from Sarah, a friend of mine. I thought she was joking when she told me that Mark was dying. Morbid, I know, but it was so sudden and unexpected, that I didn’t believe her. My sister was awake and I told her what happened. She said she’d take us to Regions, so I told Sarah to come to my house if she could manage, and we’d go up there. I called Andy and told him to get to my house, Mark had been in an accident and was dying at Regions. He reached my house a few minutes later, followed by a couple more friends of ours and Sarah. We hopped into 2 cars and booked it for St. Paul.

When we got to the hospital, a bunch of our friends were standing outside on their cell phones calling everyone and telling them what had happened. We went upstairs to the ICU, and it was packed. Both waiting rooms were full, the hallway was full, and there were still people outside and people on their way. We sat and waited until the doctor came out and told us what we already knew in our hearts: Mark was being kept alive by machines, and he would never recover. He was legally braindead and wouldn’t wake up. He was dead.

Mark’s parents made the decision that he would be kept alive for 24 hours on the machines so they could donate his organs. All of us were given the opportunity to say goodbye, two people at a time. So over the next few hours, we sat and waited for our turn. Andy and I decided to go last with our friend Duane, since we would be the last 3 left. As we walked down the long corridors to Mark’s room, Andy held one of my hands, and Duane held the other. Once we entered the room, I almost screamed. Mark was laying on the gurney with bruises all over his face and arms. His eye was so swollen, it was almost shut, and he had cuts and scrapes all over his arms and face.

I released Andy’s hand so I could take Mark’s in my own. I still remember how cold it felt, and limp. I kissed his hand and face, and just bawled. I almost fell over, I couldn’t believe it. Andy and Duane caught me and kept me upright. They both hugged me and said their own goodbyes to Mark, and we left the room. After saying goodbyes to everyone, we gathered our group and left.

Later that day (we left the hospital at 4:00 am on the 12th), around 8:00pm, they pulled the plug on Mark. He slipped away quickly and without pain. His wake and funeral was the next week. Both were packed events, and full of tears and memories. A huge group of us stood around talking with Mark’s parents about our memories of him, letting them know that he would be so missed and that he was very loved by all of us. He still is.

There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think of Mark. He was a great friend to me, and we dated a couple of times, and were pretty close. He was one of Andy’s best friends, and I know it hit him pretty hard when Mark died. He doesn’t like to talk about it, but I know he misses him a lot. It’s hard to believe it’s been 5 years already, so much has happened, and it’s gone by so fast.

I haven’t been out to the cemetary in quite some time, but I think I’m going to try and go out there today. I saw Mark’s step-dad a few months ago at a wedding, and it was really nice seeing him. He showed me a picture of Miranda, Mark’s daughter that was born 4 months after he died. She looks just like him, I wanted to cry. He never got to see her, and I feel so sorry for that. But I know Mark’s looking down on us all, and he’d keeping an eye out for us.

RIP: Mark Robert Rogowski  12/31/83-01/12/02

I think I’m going to end this entry with the lyrics to "One Sweet Day" by Boyz II Men and Mariah Carey.

Sorry I never told you
All I wanted to say
And now it’s too late to hold you
‘Cause you’ve flown away
So far away

Never had I imagined
Living without your smile
Feeling and knowing you hear me
It keeps me alive
Alive

And I know you’re shining down on me from heaven
Like so many friends we’ve lost along the way
And I know eventually we’ll be together
Together
One sweet day
Eventually I’ll see you in heaven

Darling, I never showed you
Assumed you’d always be there
I took your presence for granted
But I always cared
And I miss the love we shared

And I know you’re shining down on me from heaven
Like so many friends we’ve lost along the way
And I know eventually we’ll be together
One sweet day
Eventually I’ll see you in heaven
Although the sun will never shine the same
I’ll always look to a brighter day
Lord I know when I lay me down to sleep
You will always listen as I pray

And I know you’re shining down on me from heaven
Like so many friends we’ve lost along the way
And I know eventually we’ll be together
One sweet day

Don’t Be A Lurker…

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January 18– OB check-up 8:45 am