Real Simple

Lesson: NOTHING TASTES AS GOOD AS SKINNY FEELS

My apartment smells like cinnamon and nutmeg.  I love it.  Very fall-like, very comforting.  I love fall.  The leaves are starting to change colors and it’s so pretty.  I can’t wait to make a pumpkin pie… hmmm.

I would actually begin my fall baking this weekend, but Mark’s cousin is getting married in Richmond tomorrow.  It is going to be a beautiful day for a wedding tomorrow, too.  What a lucky couple.  We are waking up early to head out for the 3 hour drive.  Everyone is looking forward to it and I am too, I suppose.  Mark has a nice family, but I don’t know many of them THAT well so it’s not like I’m going to be all over the dance floor like I usually like to do at weddings.  I just plan on drinking enough to have fun, but not be hung over the next day.  There’s a fine line there, I know.  Especially since his dad is making the drive with us… what fun. 

I was running 2 miles, 4 times a week for quite sometime, but now that it is cold outside I realize it was just a phase.  It’s too cold in the mornings now or "chilly willies" as Mark likes to call it.  Plus it’s still dark outside at 6:30 a.m. and I don’t like that part much either.  I have to find another way to stay skinny and in shape this winter season.  We’ll see.

To update from last entry, I still haven’t spoken to my sister.  She called, but I missed it and then I called and texted, but never got a response.  I think we are just going through different things in life right now and I will give her space.  She will realize things one day, I think, I hope.  I miss her though and I think about her often.  It brings tears to my eyes just thinking about it.  Sigh. 

I had the strangest dream the other night and it has stuck with me for days.  It was about my dad’s old fiance, Novie.  She left when I was around 13 or 14 years old and I’ve missed her terribly ever since.  The dream was so strange.  I was finally with her and was so happy to see her, but she was different.  She was older, I think.  I can’t remember much else from the dream, but I know I woke up sad.  I found her on facebook last summer and she sent me a long message saying how much she missed me and will always consider my sister and I part hers.  As she should, I thought, she practically raised  me during those awkward preteen years of my life.  I was touched.  I cried, I was so happy.  I was thrilled to death and thought to myself that we were truly back together again.  Even when she described the home she built in Oklahoma that overlooks a dairy farm, I pictured myself there with her.  I actually thought maybe she would have me visit her.  My hopes were high.   Well, I never heard from her again and I’ve felt a hole in my heart ever since.  That was over a year ago.  I feel like a huge something is missing in my life, and I know it’s her.  She means so much to me.  I’ve cried over it and prayed about it for months.  There’s so much I want to tell her, but can’t. 

So the other day (before the dream) I get a facebook friend request from her again.  Almost as if she lost her password and had to get another account.  I quickly accept and send another message.  This time it was short and sweet, but I gave my email address and stared at the screen.  No reply.  I’ve even checked my spam mail.  I think my dad asked her not to speak with me, at least that’s the only thing I can think of since in her original message a year ago she asked to "keep the communication up".  I don’t want to get in the way of whatever relationship they have now-a-days, so I don’t know what to do.  I miss her so much.  She’s a mom to me and far better than my mom ever was.  She was so fun to be around and even though I was young, she made me feel important, for the first time in my life, and listened to me.  I miss her, deeply.  I am going to keep thinking about this and continue praying about it and hope she comes around.  I know she feels the same way I do, she told me so.

It’s been almost 7 months since we moved here and I’d say we’re doing pretty good here.  I absolutely love my job and Mark is pretty happy with his too.  There’s just 2 things that I miss about our old town.  I miss having friends and a life outside of Mark and work.  I thought maybe Mark’s sister and/or mom would be more friendly with me since coming here, but I know they both have lives so they’re not thinking about poor little me.  I also miss knowing my way around town and always knowing where things are and where I’m going.  That’s all, really.  Everything else here is OK.

I’m in such a blah mood tonight after this entry.  I really need to get my butt up and moving and packing for the wedding tomorrow.  I suppose that would be a good way to get my mind off this somewhat sad entry. 

Have a good weekend.