And so it is

I believe there is no such thing as coincidence, and I don’t just say that because Oprah said it the other day and I love her.  I believe in fate, in destiny, and what is MEANT to be WILL be.  I believe in God and know that He has a plan for all of us.  He already knows whether I’m going to get this dream job or not.  It’s out of my control. 
 
After my last (frantic) entry I went to bed that night and prayed and prayed this would work out for me.  I badly wanted/needed the bank president to finally answer the phone and speak to me after 2 days of trying to get an interview with him.  And sure enough, His plan prevailed and I spoke with him Thursday morning and got my interview.  It was such a relief.  Just to hear him on the phone automatically calmed my seas.  I knew I would be OK from here on out. 
 
I worked on my business profile trial story all day Thursday, and even woke up at 5 a.m. on Friday to look it over 10 thousand more times before finally turning it in to the newspaper editor by 9 a.m.  I then went into the weekend feeling good and accomplished. 
 
I checked my email every chance I got through out the weekend wondering what the final result would be of all my stress and hard work.  Friends and family were calling/texting/facebooking, "Have you heard???"  I wanted so badly to hear good news from this.  For a job that only pays $20,800 I was a nervous wreck.  Life is not about working for the money. (Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, "Never will I leave you, never will I forsake you." –Hebrews 13:5).
 
When Monday night rolled around and I still didn’t hear a word from her, I started thinking, maybe she didn’t get my email?  You know how cyberspace can be sometimes.  So I followed up with a polite, short email making sure she received my story, attaching it again and letting her know I am here for any thing else if needed, as if she didn’t already know that.
 
To my disappointment I got a reply from her at 5 a.m. Tuesday saying she met with the newspaper publishers and they are NOT allowing her to hire two new reporters.  They gave her the OK to hire and then took it back just as quickly, all having to do with budget.  She said she had every intention of hiring me and said once again that she liked me and also gave me hope that this position should come back to be filled in the next few months.  IN THE MEANTIME, she did offer me a position as a part-time sports writer until the full-time news position comes back.  36 hours a week for $10 an hour and even though I didn’t ask, I’m sure it doesn’t come with any benefits. 
 
My issue is not with the money.  I will gladly take a job that fits me for little money, but I’m not sure that I am capable of being a sports writer.  Aside from football, I know nothing.  I hate basketball for the squeaky shoes and loud buzzer and the only reason I like going to baseball games is to eat peanuts and drink beer.  An old roommate was on the baseball team in college and after a game he came home and said, "I hit for a cycle!"  And all I could answer was uhhhh?  Little did I know, that’s kind of a big deal.  BUT I guess I could always learn!
 
And the reality is, if I take a job for $10/hr, with all the student loan bills I have plus the cost of living, I doubt I will be able to buy a car.  I’ve been saving money for a car for quite some time now.  I’m ready to buy any day now.  I have a big enough down payment so that I can get a car that is $14,000 or so my payments will be less than $200 a month.  That was my goal.  It’s discouraging to work so hard to buy nice things and then as it turns out, may not even be able to buy a much needed new car after all.  Damn student loan debt for taking over my life!  And my bank account!
 
Another issue with taking this job is I’m not sure I feel comfortable taking a job I only THINK I’m capable of doing.  I don’t want to jeopardize my work as a journalist for work that is sub-par. 
 
I think I’ve answered my own question.  I will keep looking.  As disappointment as it may be, it is meant to be this way.  Sad, but something better will come along.