20.05.2023 (2)

Pretending is hard.

It was a long day pretending to be normal.

it’s only been 5 days but normal feels like a lifetime ago.

I confided in someone today, their reaction stung.  I have no right to feel hurt.

Maybe none of it is a big deal, maybe I’m blowing it up in my head.  Maybe what he did is acceptable, I am his wife.

I did something tonight that I shouldn’t.  Something I could never admit to.  It let some of the pain out.  It was exactly what I needed.  If I ever do it again I might never stop.

it’ll take everything in me to not do it again.