ages 3-4 My first real memories

so i decided to start at the beginning… I cant tell you my exact age at this point but i was between 3 and 4 years old… My mother and step father got maqrried on my 3rd birthday but i dont remember that. What i do remember is the house we lived in it was white and huge.. there was this man that lived in the guest house that honestly was probably the only reason i survived the years living with my mother.. I can remember he was there but not his name or much else about him. My first real memory other then the layout of the house. Is a preasure on my chest and a voice telling me this is how i show you i love you. Little did i know at that age it was something really wrong. the next thing i remember is the courthouse sitting in the hallway by myself and the first of the long line of bad men in my life threatening to kill me if he ever got the chance i wasnt even 4 years old. That one memory has caused a lifetime of night terrors but ive come a long ways from there and at this point in life have started trying to find that man just to tell him he no longer scares me. Its time to heal which is alot of what this writing is about that im going to be doing..

If anyone needs someone to talk to about anything they read in my writing whether they dealt with it themselves or know someone who has im always here for anyone