Whispers to no one

 Dreams upon dreams. 
A decision woke me. 
Change was needed once I had begun to feel…
Feel things I knew I was better without. 
Lately I’ve been breaking a little.
Can’t be so strong all the time. 
Though I’d like to be. 
This is life. 
And the truth is what makes us the strongest. 

I feel the sullen sinking feeling. 
Slight and delicate grey. 
Easy warm rain that could be beautiful. 
Or a disaster. 
Just depends on the eyes you wake with on that day. 
And for a few days…
They’ve been begging to wring dry and purge themselves of old portraits and scenery. 
The cold is coming and nothing can keep that away. 

Each hour is such routine it seems. 
Too easy and less content with the stale time. 
Sweat and forced heart racing is all I have to rescue me. 
A few drinks a few times a week. 
But every new face that begins a new chase just suffocates me. 
I realize I have something I need to shift. 
Just a deep mirror image of something so final and resting. 
Stop reflecting the things that were..
And let the new shine without reflection. 
It hasn’t been easy. 
These things aren’t supposed.to.be. 
I’ve come from each side of this road, 
And now I know which side is best suited to me. 
For now at least. 
Don’t envy me for the strength I’ve shown through this..
I fear if anyone had seen my struggle to get here they would only pity me. 
I can’t teach the lessons that I’ve learned. 
You just have to be willing to see all the things you never wanted to see. 
 Feel all the things you feared to feel. 
Be all the things you never dared you’d be. 
Break…and not hide it. 

Maybe this needs to be final for once. 
This place…these chapters…this whispering place.