Weak

 Of course in mere days,
things always change,
I come to a moment where I realize what I am not willing to do,
and that’s go back to exactly what I already had.
Someone who in presence was always so caring,
but just completely cold with any physical distance.
It’s so frustrating,
what is so wrong with me?
I don’t hate myself enough to stick it through,
people don’t really change,
so even beginning to hope that it could,
is an unwise thing to do.
Don’t hope for fixes over time,
don’t hope for happiness later,
if there is anything stopping it right now,
walk away,
no point in wasting time on hope,
and letting hurt happen in the meantime,
letting the bond build to the point where when it does fall,
it hurts so much more.

It is what I wanted,
but the inconsistencies as of late are not my thing,
It’s a too familiar taste,
I don’t need it,
and it does hurt me.
Maybe I’m just too full of feeling right now,
completely hormonally imbalanced,
I hate when I crawl to being the one that wants,
instead of the one being wanted,
Why do I do this?
At least I never buckled down…

So too soon I am able to feel hurt again,
but it won’t last long,
I won’t let it,
I don;t need it,
I’ve had too much of it,
I just don’t get why I’m so easily rejected,
why do I burn out too fast?
I just want to crawl in something warm and stay there,
and sleep,
I feel awful.,
I feel tired,
I feel hungry
and empty physically,
and a little sad.

I need to run tomorrow,
and break down,
get it all out of my system…
And then maybe change my plans to be far away from him,
and start somewhere new again,
after all, I did have other invitations,
I just let him take priority,
and exclusivity…
That was stupid. 

I’m sure tomorrow everything I write will contradict this…
Because I am stupid.
and I am weak.