The houses we build

For a moment we were one.

An inhale, an exhale, repeat. A harmony of breath. Expanding and collapsing.

He’s like a house with many rooms

Behind each door is another slow realization. I look out the windows beyond, to find hills that I’ve made from every hole that I hide in when I leave.

Fondness paces and whispers through the halls. It’s warmth crowding each space and thawing my will to hold on to the past. I feel vulnerable and exposed. I feel his vibration and immediately begin to lose my armor.

I was trying to rush through every motion so that I could never really taste it. Hum quietly under my breath so I could never hear his heartbeat. Let my thoughts lead me so that I never paid attention to the feeling of free fall.

And the version of me he receives pats him on the back. Gives him hell for his kindness. Locks my arm at the elbow to lend distance. All the while he smiles, with a deep warmth, nods with reassurance, and kisses my head to tuck in my racing thoughts.

Somehow, he snuck in under the sheets.

Caught me in a moment unaware. Slipping right past the gatekeeper and running all the way to the hearth. A place where I am giving, nurturing and fearless. Where I keep the memories I shared with John and all the longing I spent. Where the walls can tell you tales of every time I had a moment just like this.

Moments where you have zero doubt. Even if just for a split second.