Something Physical

The amount of tension you feel..
In a room full of rich. 
Breakable people and things. 
Looking from hand to hand..
For an empty one…
To refill. 

The air smelled strongly of wine. 
Bad cologne and old lady perfume. 
Too bold…too old..
And a hint of moth balls. 

Some of it familiar. 
A smell of a taste I had learned newly. 
The smell became more fond than I would have thought. 
Red wine. 
Brought back so many nights. 
But it didn’t pull me down. 
I don’t feel the aches I did. 
Because I know what it all means now. 

Missed the exhilaration of my sport. 
But any kind physical push brings me out. 
Sometimes I need to be worn out to be happy. 
Sometimes I need it just to break through to the core. 
Release the real.demon. 
And breathe for a bit. 

This morning I woke in a bad place. 
I can’t think of the words I had retraced. 
They aren’t mine …they shouldn’t be close to heart…
 Which reminds me…

All I can think about lately is soul. 
How much I have always been so close to mine. 
In tune…I feel. 
I’ve made a lot of sense of a lot of things. 
I miss feeling soul filled. 

I feel scatterbrained in a drained way. 
The feeling you get when you pushed yourself enough. 
When tomorrow it’ll ache in that sweet way that muscles do. 
Something I love. 

I hope tomorrow is better. 
And each day after. 
I just hope.to see the sun before the winter comes again. 
I can’t believe this year is almost over. 

That makes me want to cry. 

Thinking everything is better because im a part no longer. 

I’m that last demon before the breakthrough comes.