Out of the Blue

There it is…
Like the high pitch noise of a muted television in another room.
There’s this nagging thing I can’t rid myself of.
But why now?
All these words I overcompensate with.
For what reason?
A part of me feels so in line, and another keeps feeling this thing..
A need to solve something, when there’s nothing to solve,
and none of it makes sense.
There are no lines for me to follow here…just some dreams…blank pages, sounds and memories.

I have all this time, and nothing set in stone,
so why is it that I feel this now?
Like I must figure it out now?
It has never been so demanding of my attention, like there’s something that must be done, but I feel no inclination to move.
Like there’s this final breath to be taken, and I’m just holding it in for some reason, and right now is the moment I demand it, right now is the moment I want it to be taken away…

The only thing I’ve found, that sticks with me…Transcending time, error, change, space, distance, will bending and emotion breaking…is this thin I feel must be, his soul. Do these things happen in real life? None of it makes sense…but I can’t deny whatever it is, and I can’t spell it out…It’s something that has never stopped singing, never ceasing to exist in my atmosphere, even when he did.

Why have I chosen now to stop ignoring it? Maybe it’s the season…though we never had good winters together…He always got cold with the weather….and I always pushed..

Tomorrow I will be pushing myself, and for a few hours, the only thing that will exist are me, wheels, and those who stand to stop me, or help me through…