nice try

 So wrapped in my own apathy, 
It wasn’t until I saw his face,
 Felt the unfamiliar air around him,
That I knew something had happened. 
He looked at me with uncertain eyes, 
For the first time I felt a lack in balance. 
I felt him distant. 
Maybe hurt. 

He asked why I was speaking to him 
I had told him every conversation that had past, 
Aside from the last. 
And for no real reason except I knew he trusted me. 
More importantly.. I trusted me. 
Someone told me a story about the shit he was talking..
Wasn’t the first I had heard of it. 
On a night with liquor in my stomach, 
The anger flared..
I never deserved to have bad things said about me. 
I never left. 
I never hurt him. 
I never did wrong. 
So why would I deserve anything short of kindness? 

He watched me as I stared at him nearly shocked. 
Telling me how I spoke of things I never did. 
Tears filled my eyes..
Rivers poured from them..
No proof lied on my end to show the things I said, 
And the things I never did. 
After three years of never being over it, 
I finally find happy..
And why would someone want to destroy it? 
I never deserved that. 

He was patient. 
His eyes so kind. 
So wide. 
He pulled my head to his chest as I sobbed. 
He didn’t care about anything but making sure we were okay. 
"What did you expect to happen?" 
He asked. 
And I don’t know..
I just know if someone planted that seed inside me..
I wouldn’t be able to forget it..or trust him. 
And the other side stayed silent..
knowing the lies it spread…
But not knowing how already we’re better than that. 

I cried for too long. 
Sulking over the notion that someone wanted my unhappiness so terribly. 
That someone wanted to take it away. 
But he sat…comforting me in a situation that was against me. 
"I love you so much" 
He said. 
And he had never said it with such sincerity. 

The night went on.
Embers of anger didn’t keep me warm. 
My icy hand reached for his, 
Shocking his warm skin and I pulled away out of habit, 
To warm it on my own, 
And he said "What are you doing?" 
Smiling..grabbing my hand and placing it in his. 
Warming me. 
I couldn’t help but smile from inside out. 
I was so used to the small uncaring motions. 
Where I’d touch warm skin and one would shirk away. 
But he hasn’t. In any of the ways I’m so worn to. 

I only feel stronger. 
Closer to him now.