Intermission

He hugged me hard,

It was safe, and warm, and longing.

His hand placed gently on the back of my head.

Holding me steady and secure.

Like a baby.

 

It didn’t feel like goodbye,

But it was.

It felt like the last page of a long book.

Yearning and ending.

Emptiness and love.

 

He squeezed me so tight I thought I might explode.

And if I had, I could have been happy.

His eyes fixed on mine, unmoving.

Gently swept the tears from under my eyes and wiped them on his jeans.

He was scared. I sensed he didn’t want to go.

I think we were both afraid it would be the last time.

Maybe I’m wrong.

 

I was his hearth.

A shelter from a storm he was not ready to face.

Open arms and endless love.

Forever pouring myself out to ease his pain.

I cannot be his home any more.

His sanctuary from the past, and the unpredictable future.

He has to leave, and hurt, and face his own hell.

 

I fear for him.

For the kind soul I know.

It’s so easy to get lost when faced with trials.

It’s easy to swallow the pain and let it consume you.

Let it make you hollow, and lost.

You could run away forever and lose everything you ever were. Everything that was connected to that pain.

It takes strength and courage to face it.

To speak your pain, and dig into the wound.

The only way out, is through, ya know?

And it’s true.

If you don’t want to lose yourself to trauma, you must make the choice every day to push through, and not run.

It isn’t easy.

But, blades are forged through fire and blow after blow.

We must choose to not break..

He must choose to not break.