Forward Motion

 faces upon faces,
and my heart didn’t race.
All these names.
I can’t remember,
but they all knew mine,
before I even knew what I was getting into.

Doing the usual of drinking and staying proud,
but the best was that,
he was proud of me,
showed me off to everyone he knew,
and everyone said
"You’re THE hannaH!"
Like I was something special.
And I was bright..shining..
I played all the parts perfectly..
except I wasn’t playing at all..
It was just easy, natural,
and he wanted me there…
Beginnings are always easy…

I can’t keep thinking of the bad,
expecting all the worst parts.
I was caught offguard with a house full of people.
family of his I didn’t know.
And all the names kept slipping from my head,
and everyone loved me,
I wasn’t afraid of anything,
and he didn’t have to constantly stand as a safety.
I felt warm and welcomed,
not paranoid, nervous, not good enough.
I was so tired of not feeling like enough,
of not feeling wanted,
and having someone else on the other side to point out my flaws,
the relationship flaws,
and drive someone else away.

I’m getting all caught up,
so fast,
too fast.